Mood

Photo credit: Waynn Images

It was a Friday evening, and we're both minding our own business in our bedroom with Tony Bennett's playlist playing on the TV and stereo.

"Babe, I'm in the mood. You wanna?" He asked cheekily as he's scooting over to my side.

"Seriously? Right now?" I frowned as I was playing with my phone.

"Well yeah, you can't blame me for lying next to a hot piece of you-wanna-get-some-of-that-thang right?" I stared back.

"Oh shut up you, you just wanna get on with it to get your cock settled."

"I'm sensing a Yes from you..." He started sniffing behind my neck.

"You know what...?" That didn't stop him from starting to suck on my neck. "I've never demanded for sex from you as often as you. Don't you agree?" (God... My eyes started to roll back as I allow him to work on it.)

"What nonsense!? I know you don't demand for it, but you always get down on me when I'm sleeping! Don't think I don't know that... You sly little minx. You have a sleeping fetish! And it's always wee hour of the night."

(I burst into laughter and he started sniffing behind my ears again and began snogging it. I hate to admit to him, but it feels damn good.)

"And why don't you wake yourself up and stop me instead?" I asked him rhetorically.

"Could you just shut up and let me enjoy myself? Just shush!"

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. His hands were all over me, I couldn't even think. I let out a little moan just because I was enjoying what he does best. I guess that slipped moan encourages him even more, like a hinted compliment.

We just didn't bother to turn off the lights after we finished, he just lay there allowing me to caress his silky smooth firm butt. He moved over to me for a cuddle, and then he requested me to spoon him after because he needed to be a baby for a moment. We talked all night long until the resounding snore contagiously drifted us off with our satisfying night in each other's arms.

Friday 02 / 03

Photo credit: Waynn Images

13 years ago
"Hey Jenn, I have to tell you something during break time. Is that okay?" I was so nervous because I know I've set my mind to made clear to tell her about me. My hands were all sweaty and cold at the same time. She looked at me the way how every guy would want to confess their special interest towards them. Unfortunately, I am not.

"Sure! Okay!" Jennifer replied while still chewing her gum. She looked back at me and smile again. The school bell rings, we got our lunch and headed straight to our favourite spot and we sat down together. She was breathing heavily like I do. And she couldn't hold it any longer, "So what is it that you want to tell me?"

"Jennifer, you know we've been best buds right? We could share everything together with no boundaries and all." Her shoulder slumped with shyness. "Jenn..." Alright-y, here goes... One, two, three! "I like men." Looking down swirling my doughnut on the tray.

Jennifer's face and both her fists were up high the air shouted "I knew it!" and I was stunned. She got her senses back on track and paused as she asked me again. "You like... What... Wait what?!"

"I said I like men." I guess it dawned upon her now as she puts her right thumb and index fingers on her upper cartilage of her nose. Thinking really hard, taking all the breaths she needs. Digesting a bomb that might cause her constipation-al hazard.

"You? You like MEN? What the fuck, David? I thought you like me?! When? How? You don't even look like you're into men at all." Jennifer squeaked!

"I... Are you okay? Do you mind keeping it down, I do not feel like announcing it to the whole world yet. Wait, do they have a special look for men who likes men?" I don't even know what else to say because I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction from her. So I throw in some questions that's stereo-typically incorrect.

She took a long deep breath. Really long. And when she looked at me. Her face changes from disappointment to a sympathetic look of care towards my direction. She asked again, "David, look at me. When did you know?"

I told her everything. We hugged it out, we had a little kiss on the lips (just to kill her curiosity about me kissing). We exchanged our sincere "I love you" to each other and I tear up a little bit because it was a relief to come out.

I got into university will a full scholarship but at the same time I was kicked out of my home when I have decided to come out to my parents. They do not want me to be the cause of bad influence to my younger siblings, Adam & Naomi. I understand so I agreed to move out.

Jenn followed me to my room and helped me as I was packing and crying. I will always remember the part when mom quickly rushed into the room and placed a few thousand dollars into my hands, holding my face, and as she couldn't hold it anymore, she covers her face not long after by rushing out of my room crying.

That was how I remember leaving my home. With Adam and Naomi gave me their last hugs.


8 years ago (5 years later)
"OMG David, (Hey David!!! [Hudson's voice call out from behind]) How have you been already? Have you started working? Do drop us a message and please tell us where you live. We missed your face."

The message beep. It was Jennifer and Hudson. They are just so cute together. They started their relationship not too long after graduation.

Answering machine was done setting up and they are my first message. And I was in the midst of clearing up my newly moved in apartment. A three minutes' walk to the subway station where I head to work. I am attached with one of Forbes 500 Financial Institutions. It seems like a big deal to many, but I thought it was just a job that puts food on my table.

There was a knock on the door. I was so puzzled, I have not told anyone about my new place yet even I am facing issues to remember this address. And when I open the door, there was a man standing there looking stun. I was taken aback.

"Wait, you're not Oliver." He said.

"Oliver? Oh, Oliver Stanfield? He moved out a week ago before I moved in." I was just telling him what he needs to know.

"Oh no. Did he leave a note or anything for anybody?" He asked.

"Nope, it was spick and span when I moved in. Not a single note or a letter around here. Anything urgent?" I realize he couldn't stop browsing my living room.

"Oh no no. Not at all. You clean this place up real good! Damn..." I arch my right eyebrow as he commented. "Hey, my apologies about me being misinformed... I'm just one floor right below you, by the way. That's information you might not need to know. I'm Jay by the way.

Looking at that fine specimen, calling himself Jay. He's cute. "Call me David. Not a problem and it's great to know some neighbours around here too. I shall get back to my cleaning."

"Oh yeah, see you around." He slipped it in casually. I'm not overthinking am I? He's really hot!

"Sure. See you around sometime." Click. And I closed the door shut.


2 months later
Jennifer and Hudson came by to pay me a visit. I baked some good ol' chocolate chip cookies and make them some tea. We were enjoying our catch up session and the door knocked. My confusion shows.

"Are you expecting someone?" Jennifer asked.

"No. I am not." I replied as I head over to my door to open it.

"Hey, David! Hi! Oh no... You've got company. This is such a bad time" Awkwardly, it was Jay who came by after a couple of months.

"Hello Jay, yeah I've got company. They are good friends of mine. Do you need anything? Do you need help?" I have this bad habit of asking too much.

Jennifer and Hudson being over friendly as usual, shouting from behind "Hello David's friend!" I rolled my eyes as Jay was smiling.

Jay smiled and waved at them embarrassingly and tells me, "Maybe some other time."

"Hey no no, I've baked some cookies. Do you want to join us? We can get to know each other. They are nice people. Come on in." Why do I invite him in? Oh dear god, he could be a psycho!!!

Jennifer was already right behind me with hands over my waist and chin on my right shoulder. And then I realised it was because of that, I felt pressurised to invite Jay in instead. "That's my David" whispered Jennifer into my ears. Mouthing "You bitch" to her has always been a habit of mine ever since I came out to her.

"Oh, am I interrupting something here? I mean, I don't wanna be any bother to a great catch up between friends." I can sense that he felt awkward for what Jennifer did yet I feel that he wants to join in. Really, what's really going on?

Jennifer holds Jay's arm and pull him into my place and say "Come on now... Hudson's my boyfriend, and David here is..." My eyes widen and shakes my head mouthing "Not yet". Jay saw it

"David is lonely." Jenn teased.


7 months later (after cookies & tea)
Mobile conversation:

"David, what's taking you so long? We need to be early for their wedding reception!" Jay was hurrying me up for Jennifer and Hudson's big day! 

"I'm coming down right now. Stop chasing me!"

"Trust me, I've been trying really hard, but you've been a pain in the ass by nullifying all my confession towards you, all the fucking damn time."

"Shut the fuck up, Jay! Or in this case, Joseph! You're a terribly horrific liar, you bastard. Since when Jay (J) is short for Joseph? And we're not having this conversation now! I'm here."

He was laughing so loud over the phone. "You look hot!" 

"Shut up already." We kissed.

By the way, Oliver Stanfield wasn't Joseph's ex-lover. Oliver owes him a shit ton of money due to his gambling habit. So, don't you guys dare stirring this shit, readers.


Joseph and I (Our 2nd anniversary)
Their, Jennifer and Hudson's, café that was newly opened 3 months before our 2nd anniversary. They called it "The Sunset Stripes". We were specially invited as part of the special guests section because we were supposed to help them out during their grand opening.

In many ways, this café took them 6 months to perfect their meals and beverages for their menus. It was a long grueling process until we were so afraid of consuming sandwiches, cakes, quiches and pies. Just the smell of it would makes us go, really? And ll they could do is smile and say "Pweeeseee".

We love them. Jay loves me. I love him.

We celebrated our second anniversary at The Sunset Stripes. We had a special anniversary cake from Jenn & Hud with love. Some sort of a fragrant plant called the "Pandan" which they got it from the Asian market down the street and it tasted pretty damn good.

We had a beautiful night together. Open a bottle of champagne and turn on our favourite over replayed movie of all time and snore our lives away even before our movie ends. And he whispered this to me as I was turning to his side of the bed to cuddle, "Our whispered conversations, in overcrowded hallways, the atmosphere is thrilling here as always.
I've spent so many mornings just trying to resist you, I'm trembling now, you can't know how I've missed you. So much to say, not just today but always, we'll have early morning madness, we'll have magic in the making. I love you, David"

"I love you too, Joseph." I whispered back.

End of Part 2.

Friday 01 / 03

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

For me, I've always enjoyed my Fridays. Every time when I get a chance to get off from work, I will rush down to my residence café, downstairs to have my alone time in catching up with all my readings for the week. Weather hasn't always been too humid or too cold in the evening, and that's good excuse for a hot pot of white tea brewing on an electronic warmer device. Well of course I do indulge myself with the occasional java or hot chocolate. I'm not a freak.

I never like sitting by the window whilst doing my own thing. To be honest, I never like to be on display because it's not a freaking zoo and I hate it when I'm reading a book of interest to someone else, they would just stand there and stare. I do not need that kind of attention because I'm not an attention whore like that.

So, I've always choose my favourite corner near the washroom and the kitchen, folding up my legs with knees to my chest, reading my favourite with a hint of bossa nova jazz selection from the café's playlist. It has been years I've been doing so and the owners, Jennifer & Hudson are a very good friends of mine ever since schooling days.

Hudson and Jennifer operate the café endearingly with lots of love. What's not to like? Their affection for each other is what I called a mature tease with tons of dirty shenanigans thrown at each other. With all the sleazy innuendoes draws a smile to most of their customer's face whom has heard their conversation exchange. One might wonder, they might be having a solid healthy sex life behind close doors. We'll never know. But just the way they give each other that yearning glance when they crossed path in every walkway, that says a lot.

Jennifer knew about my sexual preference because I was the one who told her about it during school days. She has always been supportive of my choice and she has never once ridicule or mock me, also never shaming my choices in life. She knew the reason I was kicked out from my home because she was there when I decided to come out. She brought me home that night to her parents.

Moving out wasn't easy but it kind of liberated my choice of doing the things I truly enjoyed. I am longing for a great family reunion during festive season but I guess is way beyond inevitable. In a way, oblivion.

It's a rainy night tonight, and the usual Friday's crowd is lessen by half or even more. Now, there are tons of leftover food from the café. And this is always my favourite part of the season because these leftovers are always given to me for free with their generosity so that I could consume it through the weekend or until the week ahead.

There was this unfamiliar person who walks in and all drenched up from the heavy downpour. Unapologetically, he was wiping down his raincoat and umbrella. You could hear little curses and swearings while he was trying to make himself comfortable. Nevertheless, he struggled with a little bit of a chilled. Jennifer caught me staring at the stranger and winked at me. To my horror, I mouthed "No Bitch". She laughs and gesture Hudson to help the stranger out.

He walks on by to my direction for a warmer corner. I could imagine the chill he is going through but it wasn't my place to do anything. Oddly he looks familiar and he has been smiling at me since he chose to sit on the couch that's facing me. And when he opens his mouth to ask me, "How are you, David?"

I was caught off guard, it's little Adam! My little brother Adam! "Adam?" He nods. "Adam!" I exclaimed excitedly. We stood up and hug it out! Tears streaming down our faces as we hugged. How long has it been? 13 years? I don't remember anymore. Why didn't I keep count? He is so tall now with such a healthy physique. We talked and laughed as we rekindle our memories of each other so much so that we forgot the time.

Hudson came over looking empathetically saying "Guys, it's twelve. The rain has stopped. We're closing. Sorry" I looked at him apologetically and gesture Adam out of the café. So I gave Jenn & Hudson our usual hugs & goodbyes. We both stepped out to continue on our catch up. There's so much to ask and say. That's when Adam asked me something in which I couldn't hold back my tears was, "David, when will you be coming home? They are old."

I was not prepared, reality sets in. I was not ready because it has been years. I couldn't stop myself from tearing up as their faces flashes by right before my eyes. And I just look at Adam with so much pain and sorrow. And all I could utter was, "I... I... don't know. I really don't know." I closed my eyes.

"They missed you so much. And I can see it in their eyes. Naomi purposefully still mention your name during dinner because your dinner spot is still jarringly vacant back home." And so he started to tear up. And he said that Naomi always asked Papa, 'Will you ever accept David back home after all these years?' And Mama would just tear up as she squeezed Naomi's hand to stop her from asking."

I couldn't control myself from shedding tears just by listening to Adam's words. I just couldn't hold back. It's just so much emotion built up over the years and now my siblings are asking for me. The only expression I could give is of gratitude and love with shed of tears streaming down my face without a logical explanation. My love for them.

Adam came to me with a hug. A hug from a brother, who accepts me, who loves me, who came to look for me. "I'm so sorry David. Brother, I didn't mean to see you in pain this way. This is not how I imagine when I came to meet you." As he stands back, holding my arm.

I reassured. "Oh no, please no. No harm done, really." With a giggle of gladness I continued, "All the more, I want thank you instead, for looking out for me. We have so much to..." As I was talking, that's when I heard the sound of footsteps nearing us, towards our direction and when it came to a halt.

"Hey Dave, is everything okay? Why are you tearing up? Is everything alright?" I looked up when he wipes away my tears, only to realise about Joseph. My Joseph.

End of Part 1.

Smell

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

Model: Kyle Michael Kuhlman

As I am hovering my nose around his chest, smelling him, it wasn't the smell of skin but it was the smell of familiarity. The smell of home. I'm inching myself downwards to his stomach, he started giggling and said to me, "Hey, that's still under construction. Come back up here." I refused and I exhaled when I steal a naughty grin of myself towards him.

He couldn't wait anymore, as he pulls me up as I insisted to put my ears on top of this stomach facing him, by listening how his inner body organs works wonder during a digestion process for a few good minutes. I ask, "Why me? Why did you agree to be with me?"

He paused from reading and replied, "Haven't we been through this already?"

I answered cheekily, "I love to hear it from you." Whilst playing with his chest hair.

He puts his book down, carry me back into his arms, kissing my face with adoration. Then he looked at my lips, passionately we kissed. He pulls himself away by adding a small peck on my nose and says, "You know, every time when you asked me, I gave you the same answer."

"Hmm..." dreamily I agree.

"So this is what I'm going tell you why, with the real reason that you will never forget. It's because when you are here with me, I became a better man for you. When you are beside me, you make me want to love everyone that's around me despite that you wanted me to love you more. When you are standing with me, my parents accepted me for who I am with much more love and support. When you are now with me, I felt I am belonged to you."

He stops. I can't breathe. He never said this to me before. I wanted him to stop.

"And when you laugh, you make feel things I never thought I could. When you cry, I want to embrace you with all my care and assurance with a humongous hug. When you are angry with me, I want to say sorry a million times but you're always forgiving. And when you're sad, you broke my heart every time because I can't get into your feelings by reversing that sadness into joy."

He teared. He didn't stop and continue to say,

"That's why, it's you. It's always you. You've made me into a person I like to be. And no one else could ever replace you."

I cried. We hugged. We cuddled. We appreciate our love so much more with assurance of words and still wanting more. And so, I whispered softly towards his upper lips when he finished, "I love you, too."

We fell asleep onto each other's embrace.

Crush

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

[I was at the park doodling some sketch [Yeah right!] that I was aimless about. And I was supposed to finish reading my last chapter but I wasn't feeling it because I was so reluctant to finish it, and I have to start over with a new book and all...]

There is this guy whom I've been noticing was walking towards my direction. My time stands still.

I don't know where to look. And I think, in my own little world, everyone starts staring and chattering.

He's walking closer to me. The silence from everyone is even more pronounced. Heartbeat chasing.

And so, I looked up. He smiled at me and so did I.

"Hey..." He said to me.

"Hey..." I replied. If he knows how loud it is that my heart is banging inside of me, I'll be so embarrassed right now. If he ever knew, that is.

"If you don't mind, you’re the only familiar face around here. Could you show me where the library is? I'm relatively new around here actually." He asked me with a sincere smile. The sweetest smile that accents his jawline. Maybe naked? CONCENTRATE, don't be a perv!!!

"Oh... yeah... sure! It's right over there, I could walk you there." I volunteered. He nodded with another friendly smile and I caught a glimpse of his left dimple. Kill me already! Why am I such a loser!

As I was packing, he asked me, "I don't been to be any bother, but I've realized that you were occupied with something, maybe it is not the right time for you?" He scratches his head while he was saying that. OMG, he's too cute!!! I can't even.
"Oh no no..., it's no bother at all. This is just my usual weekend activity. My date with the sun. Haha..." YOU'RE SUCH A LOSER!!! Why did you just exposed what a loner you are? With the sun? Just stop talking.

"Splendid! I guess I prefer a more sheltered environment with access to beverages." He stood beside me while waiting for me to pack up. I do too, it's just that I got a chance to see you here in the park with your skin tight shirt... SHUT the FUCK UP!!!

"I'm all set! Off we go to the library... Hey, speaking of library, what type of books do you normally read?" I was really interested in getting to know him now. You're just the DIRECTION guy, DO NOT put your hopes up!!!

He gave me the cutest yet awkward smile while answering. "Well, actually, we both kinda like the same type of books genre or maybe author. I noticed the books you read while I'm in the park. There were many times I wanted to talk to you about it but I may come off as a creep telling you that I'm also reading the same book as you." Hold on here ladies and gentlemen, did he just said he notices me? NOT YOU, the book!!! Don't be such a desperate asshole!

"YOU'RE KIDDING right? After all this time. I was dying inside to share my opinions too. Internet is a good place though." STOP TALKING! I was exasperated that he did not even approach me at all.  He laughs off with a relieved. So I guess he might not be my guy after all. Book buddy maybe? Secret crush gay book buddy maybe? Sigh... Shattered.

"Hence... I guess using the Library-Card for direction works on you." He looked down and stole a glance at me with his eyes arching so up while tightening his lips. Awww... he's in desperation to discuss about the book and not me. He's just too cute.

"Wh- What...? So the library it's the excuse? Hold up... Wait wait wait." We stopped walking. He looks worried.

"Are you mad? I'm sorry, are you ok? Upset maybe?" I was so going to hug him but then again we just met. I might be the creep instead.

"No, not at all... (laughing) So, you want to talk about the books that we are reading? I guess we're choosing the wrong location to discuss, my friend. Library doesn't allow us to talk. They will shush you the minute they here our voices." Don't sound too obnoxious, it might come off as arrogant.

"I thought the library would have those small discussion rooms for us to do so?" Cheeky, small private room. I like him more already. Don't even go there. He's not even into you to begin with.

"Hahaha!!! It's always booked up if we are not early during the weekends. Let's head back to my favorite spot and discuss about the book! Which volume are you at right? Hold that thought, maybe you could get your favorite beverage and join me there! Deal?" Mutual book buddy it is. I'd rather be honest with myself before diving into another round of self-inflicted disappointments.

"That's definitely a deal! Give me 10 minutes, I'll see you there! By the way, I'm Randy and I'm book three just like where you're reading now." He looks like he just won himself a jackpot. That dimple, just too cute.

"I'm Josh."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[2 months later at the park --  same favorite spot]

"Hey!" Randy greeted with a paper bag full of stuff.

"Hey, we're having a feast again?" I smiled and gave him a friendly hug. It's been 2 months and I really do hope for more than a hug. And oh God, he still smells so good after all this time.

And out of nowhere, he puts his lips onto mine and said, "We've got lots to discuss with his third book." I stopped and stared at him.

**THE WORLD JUST STOPS. MY WORLD JUST STAND STILL.**

What the hell just happened? Did that just happen? I stood there still, staring at him with a puzzled look as he was unpacking everything from that paper bag. My mind is thinking way too much and they are not in order. Flashbacks with all the activities we have been doing all this while. My angst just left me? Come back! Hey! I can't do this alone. Come back!

"Randy... Randy, what the hell just happened? What was that kiss about?" I asked. He stopped and turned to look at me.

"It has been 2 months, and you have not make your move. So, I guess it's time for me to make mine." How does he even know? Was I obvious?

"Ermm... Sorry, what?" I'm still lost for words. He laughs.

"I can sense that we really like each other, like, a lot! But I can't wait any longer. That kiss was supposed to be our second book discussion last month and you didn't make the move. I brought mint candy along, but I guess you didn't get the hint..."

He puts his hands around my arms. That smell is killing me and so I just kiss him... He returned that kiss with so much passion by caressing his hands on my face. My hands wrapped around his upper back. He's so fine!!! He started to moan with his tongue. Gawd, it felt so good. Book... discussion... come back to your senses! Come back to your books!

I pulled away. He knew why. We both smile knowingly with understanding. Angst, you came back! Admittedly, I was so hard, and so was he as he was adjusting his crotch are to make it less obvious. We were actually really hot for each other. We knew that kiss wasn't enough but it is just not at the right place and settings. We still have to be civil in the public.

(Now there's really someone staring with a thumbs up sign.)

"Let's get back to our book discussion before people think that we're primates in the zoo started our mating season." He laughs out so loud as he gave me a lover's hug.

"Sure, babe." Babe? No one ever calls me that. I like that. I could really get used to that. That's really endearing.

"Babe? I like that."

We locked eyes and we smiled.

Books.

Day to day

He used to smile and greet me with much love and affection. Today, he walks into the room facing the floor. My first reaction, have I done something wrong? Or was he having a bad day? He looks at me, then he looks away and he went straight into the bathroom to take his shower.

I didn't know how to cheer him up. So, I just did what I do best. Setting our dinner that was readily prepared for his homecoming. The sound of his shower has ceased. My heart sank and started beating with anxiety. Will he even share?

He walks out with his towel that wraps around his waist, forcing a smile, and said, "Now, that smells like home." I gestured him to the dining table, but he wanted to be decent first before meal time. I poured us a glass of cold juice on the table, that's his favourite beverage.

As I was preparing his salad, he came from behind hugging me from my waist. Playfully, resting his head on my shoulder and inhale, whilst he asked me, "Do you always smell this good?"

"We're using the same soap when we shower." I answered. He smirks and kissed my neck by giving those fake bite. I asked him again, "Are you ok? You don't seem like yourself today. Something's off about you."

"I screwed up, babe. I screwed up at work. I'm in a mess now. I don't know why, but I'm feeling like the biggest loser today. Is there a way to get out from feeling like this?" He explained.

"Oh, did your boss gave you a hard time?"

"No, she only tells me that it could be better. I sensed her disappointments, but the more she's ok about it, I feel even worse than before."

I nodded. I stopped because we got carried away.

"Alright, what did we discussed about bringing work matters back home?" I reminded.

"That work always sucks and it should not be part of our home conversation unless it's edifying?" He recited it with a smile.

He sniffs my neck one last time, squeezing my butt, and stole a kiss from me before letting me go from that hug. He took that bowl of salad from me, as I was taking our cutleries to the table.

We washed up and head back to bed. He cuddles me from behind again. "Can I be the baby tonight? I want to feel your arm around my chest to give me an assurance that I'll be ok."

So I did what he asked. The next morning, I realised we weren't in the same position. He face was literally against mine, snoring away like a baby, wrapping his entire body on top of me. A baby he is, that so-called man of my dreams. I just hug him, his stops snoring, he smiled and said, "I love you."

We kissed.

One of those nights

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

We got back from dinner and he was all restless and groggy for staying up late last night for work that he was unable to complete. I was anticipating a movie night after a long week of hard work, he wasn't feeling it.

I guess I have to watch it in the living room all by myself then. He said he needed to shower and goes straight to sleep. You can see it in his eyes that energy has fully drained from all the workload. So, I prep up a bottle of drinking water for the night by squeezing half a lemon juice for some flavoring at his bedside. Knowing full well, he needed to stay hydrated during the night.

Eventually, I've prepared myself a good bowl of ice cream with some crushed chocolate mint cookies on top of it. I heard him got out of the bathroom all freshen up and with nothing on, coming my way just to kiss me goodnight. What a tease! But it was our practice, no matter how angry we are with each other, we will have to kiss each other goodnight. It's a pact! It's our pact!

My movie ended at about 1:47am and I was all hyped up with their next movie installment which is archived in my "to watch list" folder. As I was washing my bowl of ice cream, I heard noises coming from our room. Those rustling noise that can't be missed, it was our stand fan that got switched on. He's not asleep yet? That can't be it.

As I switched off the kitchen light, I walked in quietly just to make sure he's asleep. When my eyes are getting used to the darkness, he was laying there on his stomach naked with the fan directed to him. His muscular back makes it all worthwhile for me to have a few more stares in admiration before I climb over to my bedside to have my fair share of sleep. 

When I got myself all comfortable, he suddenly said this,

"Hey, I'm not asleep yet."

"Why aren't you asleep? You look really tired."

"I miss watching it with you. But I'm really lethargic but still, I miss you."

"I miss you too. What's going on? What's in your mind?"

He started telling me about the people he works with, the unfair treatments. He said he chose the high road by remaining his silence (which I agreed). And he suddenly pan over to my side and pull me closer to him with his head on my neck and he said,

"I wanted to tell you I'm so frustrated but it seems so unfair to you."

"Now wait a minute, why do you say that?" I was shocked when I replied, he never says that about himself that way before.

"I always feel inadequate when I'm in a workplace. And when I'm home and I got to see you. I don't feel that about myself anymore. Have I not been talking to you lately?"

I kissed his forehead and replied, 

"Nerd, you needed the rest. You're on anxiety mode because you're too tired. Come closer to me! Because I need my princess sleep with you too."

"I'm the princess tonight! So, do I get the whole night with you?" His head is still on my neck while whispering to my ear.

"Alright, alright, the whole night." I smiled.

"Can I grab your cute butt too?" 

"Hey! You stole my line!"

He giggled, "I know... because you can't resist mine. I'm all yours to grab."

In just a few minutes of silence, I heard him snoring through my ears with his thumb on my nipple. I am really glad that he's able to fall asleep with my hand caressing his cute muscular heinie.

Our weekend

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

There he was, reading that Sunday newspaper right across me sipping his scorching hot coffee. We both like it black and sugarless. Scratching his tummy (previously packs) and started talking out loud,

"Honey, remember that shooting I was talking about? It seems like it's another case of bully victimization again."

I looked to him and smiled. He is so adorable when he talks about something that he's passionate about. He could get all emotional if you disagree with him just because his opinion withstand the rest whoever oppose him. And when he knows that you'd equally care about it too, his eyes will turned softer and steal a kiss from me with a gentle,

"I love you."

That itself, breaks me into pieces of sugar fairy dust. And to that, I could sprinkle my love for him too. 

Mama stayed over during the weekend with us, just to check on whether our groceries are all well stocked up before we welcome the winter season. As she was washing up some of our vegetables, he stood up and gave mama a hug and whisper something for her to know.

Mama started giggling, she turned towards my direction and said,

"You, my son, how could you bully him last night?"

"What have I done to bully him, Ma?" I questioned with a cynical smile.

"You're the one to talk, you've snatched off his blanket and left him naked on the bed all night long." 

She'd playfully lectures me in front of me. He standing by her side, with his brows so high and gave me the meanest look. I'm so gonna get him back.

"Nonsense, Ma! I did nothing of that sort. For all you know, he has been kicking me through the night and I did not even complain to either any of you." I just add on to my indirect complains with an attitude towards him.

They both burst into laughter when he brought out a jar of orange juice from the refrigerator and said to mama,

"Ma, come sit with us and talk. I don't want you doing all the work around here when clearly you're our special guest in this house."

He is so charming when he's all hospitable and so welcoming to anyone he enjoys a company with. Mama stops the washing and tap me on my shoulder just to clean off the excessive water off her hands and sat in between us and said,

"You know, I've always been wrong about you both. Dad would never understand the love you guys have for each other. Now that he's gone, I hope he can witness what I'm currently enjoying right now. The company of both very capable adults that truly understand the meaning of being for each other during this difficult time. I love you both very very much."

Mama was a little teary and continue,

"Promised me that you two stay faithful and loving for each other."

He looked at me while Mama was saying that to us. I remember he reminded me last night that I am irreplaceable. And I assured him that too. I hope what we've exchanged remains true until end of time. Mama continues,

"Also, you both are bound to love me, forever!" She giggles as she peak at us.

He and I took a glance with each other and quickly ran over to Mama and gave her the longest kiss until she screamed,

"Oh no... Stop! Gay men kissing me that hurts my cheek!"

We laughed as the oven ticks off with an alarm. Which means, our chicken pie is ready to be served. Mama uses a casserole dish to create that large chunk of pie like she's serving 20 people. I guess, her version of staying over is to sinfully glutton her way with us so that we could spend time and hangs out with her during this grieving period. It has been 3 months dad has passed. I think she needed a break from being alone.

He whispers to me,

"I think your dad will be so proud of you, no matter what the circumstances are. Stay strong with your mama, everything is going to be alright because I will be here for both of you."

And that itself makes me the happiest guy in the whole wide world. And that made me respond to him and said with an earnest heart,

"Honey, I love you."

We kissed.

Tomorrow

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

The morning has come when I have to face what I fear most. It was a new day, a new change. I remembered I was told by him that he is no longer having the same feeling for me back when how we've started. I still remember vividly how he tells me he was through with me during dinner time at his place.

I knew this was coming and I was so downcast that it was this soon. Again, I refrain from arguing with him because I do not see the point in it anymore. All I ever asked was,

"Is he good to you?" I asked sincerely.

His answer to me was cold and harsh,

"That, is no longer your concern. Anymore."

It hurts so much just to hear those words directly from him as the receiving end because I know my care for him have already been taken advantage of. I am just history to him.

I remember he used to yearn and beg for care when he needed it. He would usually asked for more when I was never ready. He will asks for things he think he wants and I'll be sacrificing all of those for him with no questions asked. Truthfully, I am a bore to him.

Now, I know he doesn't need me anymore.

He has been cheating on me ever since I can remember. I know but I never wanted to confront. He has been secretly texting a guy whom I've not met mutually. In retrospect, I'm being too complacent with our relationship, he dominates the entire relationship by meeting all his wants from me.

I do not demand for love like how he does it.

I do not beg for attention like how he asks for it.

I do not practice materialism like how he splurge it.

Surprisingly, what I'm going to miss most is, is his enthusiasm for life. He is always eager to try new things which brought colors to my life. He made me see things in so many different perspectives which no one I know is able to pull such energized stunt in a courtship.

It was 8.06pm and the feeling I had is not sadness. It's a feeling that I am over staying my welcome the minute he asked me to let him go. So, I asked emotionlessly,

"Are you expecting someone? I can pack all my stuff and you can see the last of me from today onwards."

"You don't have to be like that. Why do you always have to talk like that? There will be no one else coming to my place at all. Don't always sound like a know-it-all!" He sounded really defensive.

"Then I guess I'll pack then." I stood up, I know him too well.

"Damn it, Malcolm! Why do you always have to see through me?" He demanded. 

I closed my eyes and inhale a deep breath. Then I looked at him as I exhale,

"You tend to lie every time you want things your way. What makes this lie anymore different than the rest in which you have done before?"

"Then I suggest that you stay. Just to prove my innocence that no one will be coming." He fidget with his fingers around his cell phone. He never changes, he's betting on either his pride, ego or maybe himself.

"There is no need to prove anything. Not to me. I will just pack my stuff and leave. It is painful for me to even stay on here when clearly you do not want me to be around." I quietly move to his room and started packing.

*Door Bells Ring*. 

Just about time that I finished packing, and for some odd reason, he looks really pale.

He wasn't ready I suppose. As I walked out, he was trying to justify his actions again as he walks by to open the door. And here comes that person whom I've been longing to see.

His new lover.

"Oh hi! You must be..." He squinted his eyes and he was puzzled.

"Hi sir, I'm the help. I'm just trying to clean up the mess as soon as possible so that you two are able to enjoy the evening together." I interrupted abruptly when I noticed my ex-boyfriend's facial expressions.

"Wonderful! Honey, you didn't tell me you hired the help to clean up the house!" He was smiling towards my ex-lover with glittering eyes. "You always know how to surprise me even more, like everyday."

I've packed up my stuff and said to them,

"It's been a pleasure, sirs. Allow me to wish you both a happy evening together. I have to take these out."

"Thank you!!!" His new lover exclaimed.

I closed that door behind me. I wanted to cry so bad. And I heard him say,

"I forgot to pay him."

I quickly wiped off that little emotional tears that I shed and stand confidently outside waiting for the lift. He came running towards my direction and said,

"You didn't have to do that just now. You shouldn't have..."

"Goodbye, Justin. It's been a real pleasure knowing you. I will now move on with mine. And I hope we can still be friends even if we didn't work out as lovers." I hugged him. It was our last hug. A real hug. 

He is now officially my history.

"Friends. Definitely." He uttered with guilt.

Now, all of these seems like yesterday when I actually saw him walking towards my direction with a different partner again. The break seems like yesterday, but it feels like last week? Or was it last month? Has it been longer than that? Ha! I can't even remember how long was it anymore. He is no longer my pain. I have forgotten many of the events that he and I were together.

He was my lesson learned. He is my friend still because after all, he did smile at me while he passes me by. He is what made me new again. And by him making that decision to let me go, I have met my loving husband of 3 years and more (hopefully).

Tomorrow will always be a better day for me. Tomorrow is what I will always look forward for.

Tomorrow.

Bus Ride

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

He always chooses the seat ajar next to mine in the bus. And what do I usually do? Being the stalker-ish person I am; I always take a peek at him from underneath the book I'm reading just to confirm whether he does the same every morning. He never fails to greet me with a very firm baritone voice and a smile,

"Good Morning".

Foolish that I am, I only know how to nod and smile back at him. I hate my Asian heritage of being submissive. It's been 7 months I've been here, sitting the same bus, same seat. And this is all the action we have ever shared. Pathetic, I know. But today he was slightly different, he greeted with a,

"It was a lovely Sunday, ain't in?"

I put my book down with a smile and with my very first reply,

"It was." (Yeah right, like he believes that.)

I dive straight back into my book and continue reading as the journey goes on. With my peripheral sight, the inkling of knowing he is interested with the book I'm reading, makes it even harder to concentrate.

I've been reading that same page for the past 2 minutes, and I can't seem to get past that page. Crap, he's still staring. Oh... I never like those long stares. It's so awkward. I can't deal with that.

Alright, I get it, you're an above average looking man, you often get the attention or enjoy the second glances. And me, I never like such attention from someone else, because I won't do it unto others either.

I just can't concentrate!

Suddenly, (He snaps me out from my thoughts.)

"Excuse me."

He got my attention. I looked at him. Of course I have to look at him... We're always the first two in the bus. Think, you idiot! Think! I mean look, look at him!

"Are you reading a Paul Hudson's book?" He asked as he was pointing at my book.

I nodded vigorously with a pouch lips. And when it came to his senses, instantly he shifted nearer towards my direction with much enthusiasm and got all excited and started to ask whether I've read other of his books.

"Have you read that famous series from Paul?" His second question.

"Oh... 'The Genocide Redemption' series?"  I asked.

"Oh my god, YES!!! You know about that series too?" He was getting more excited now. I have never seen that part of him before. He's so himself right now.

I nod along and said,

"Well, yeah. I've read all 5 of them, waiting for the newest release this September."

His eyes went gold fish and sat nearer to the edge of his seat,

"Yes! I just knew it from yesterday's Hudson's Twitter announcement. And I thought I was the only weird one who reads that series. Oh, the humanity, I've finally found a Hudson buddy now."

"Oh..." I smiled to entertain, "Interesting. But many has said that his books are too...too...(what's that word)" I was trying to recollect what some of the reviews wrote about this series once again. And then it hit me...

"Descriptive!"

"Descriptive!"

(Simultaneously)

He looked at me with amusement.

I raised both my eyebrows towards his direction.

It was so awkward (the good kind of awkward) yet it was so fulfilling at the same time. Then again, we both laughed at each other's jinx. In which, it kind of breaks the ice between our 7 months of nodding, smiling and his favorable greetings.

I couldn't contain myself from uttering,

"I'm actually a big fan of Hudsons'..."

He looks at me and interrupted,

"Me too! Never did I know I could find someone who lives near by, who likes his books as much as I do. We could have tons of coffee session to discuss all of Hudson's Easter eggs in the series!"

Wait, was that an invitation? Get it out of your system! He's out of your league! Just speak! Speak like a normal person, you moron...

"Yeah, I guess we could." I think I gave my awkward smile. It wasn't fair to him.

His smile was even wider than I thought. He was thrilled and suggested,

"Let's do it! This Friday evening then, shall we? It's the weekend. We could have dinner, coffee and maybe some ice cream too if coffee is too caffeinated."

Inside me, I hesitated but I blurted,

"This sounds awesome! Here's my stop. See you again... erm" I've just realised I didn’t know his name.

"Oh... It's Blake."He responded. That was fast.

"And I'm Joseph. Later, Blake."

"Later."

Is he my new found book buddy? God, I enjoy admiring his charm and good looks every morning for the past 7 months. And what just happened? Now, we both have the same liking towards an author and book series... What are the odds? This is really an actual What-The-Fuck moment for me, like right now. I am so happy inside. It’s like a rush but I couldn’t tell anyone.

He was being friendly not because of me. It was all because of the books that I've been reading all this while. Joey Joseph Lee! Vanilla never goes well with Garlic. Always remember that!

"Hey,  Joseph!!!" Someone called me from afar.

I turned, it was Blake. He was running towards my direction. Alright, you have to be steady, steady like a rock; just do not jump into any stupid conclusions. And please do not embarrass yourself!

He was panting while stretching out with a piece of paper handed to me. The moment I took it from him, he quickly said,

"Please do not get offended by the gesture if you're not." He winks at me, I'm still puzzled and he ran off.

That piece of paper was written in this manner:

Blake likes you.

Blake gives number to Joseph.

555-787-657864

Blake wants you to call Blake.

Blake is shy.

Please call Blake.

Blake will wait.

After reading it, I just couldn't stop laughing. I’m definitely smiling. While reading that piece of paper again and again, it’s like a thousand times more. And then, there goes my creepiness by smelling that piece of paper just to check whether it has that same cologne smell of his. And it does.

In fact, I'm so excited to meet him on Friday. It is just like I couldn't contain my excitement. So, I bring out my cell to register his number and texted him a message:

Joseph can't call Blake now but...

Joseph could message Blake.

Joseph can't wait for Friday.

Joseph still can see Blake tmr morning.

Joseph likes Blake too.

Joseph is shy too.

His reply:

Blake is melting.

Blake wants to dance with excitement.

Blake can't wait to see Joseph tomorrow morning.

Epilogue:

That's how our story started.

That's how our relationship starting to grow.

That's how we grew to love each other.

That's how we tell everyone our love story.

That's how we decided to get married after 5 years of assurance.

Still, we never fail to read each other's book recommendations.

Blake genuinely loves Paul Hudson's book not just all because of Joseph.

Partly, it was because of Joseph.

During their union vows:

Joseph's vow:

Joseph will forever loves Blake.

Blake's vow: 

No matter what Joseph has said; Blake loves Joseph FIRST!