Crush

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

[I was at the park doodling some sketch [Yeah right!] that I was aimless about. And I was supposed to finish reading my last chapter but I wasn't feeling it because I was so reluctant to finish it, and I have to start over with a new book and all...]

There is this guy whom I've been noticing was walking towards my direction. My time stands still.

I don't know where to look. And I think, in my own little world, everyone starts staring and chattering.

He's walking closer to me. The silence from everyone is even more pronounced. Heartbeat chasing.

And so, I looked up. He smiled at me and so did I.

"Hey..." He said to me.

"Hey..." I replied. If he knows how loud it is that my heart is banging inside of me, I'll be so embarrassed right now. If he ever knew, that is.

"If you don't mind, you’re the only familiar face around here. Could you show me where the library is? I'm relatively new around here actually." He asked me with a sincere smile. The sweetest smile that accents his jawline. Maybe naked? CONCENTRATE, don't be a perv!!!

"Oh... yeah... sure! It's right over there, I could walk you there." I volunteered. He nodded with another friendly smile and I caught a glimpse of his left dimple. Kill me already! Why am I such a loser!

As I was packing, he asked me, "I don't been to be any bother, but I've realized that you were occupied with something, maybe it is not the right time for you?" He scratches his head while he was saying that. OMG, he's too cute!!! I can't even.
"Oh no no..., it's no bother at all. This is just my usual weekend activity. My date with the sun. Haha..." YOU'RE SUCH A LOSER!!! Why did you just exposed what a loner you are? With the sun? Just stop talking.

"Splendid! I guess I prefer a more sheltered environment with access to beverages." He stood beside me while waiting for me to pack up. I do too, it's just that I got a chance to see you here in the park with your skin tight shirt... SHUT the FUCK UP!!!

"I'm all set! Off we go to the library... Hey, speaking of library, what type of books do you normally read?" I was really interested in getting to know him now. You're just the DIRECTION guy, DO NOT put your hopes up!!!

He gave me the cutest yet awkward smile while answering. "Well, actually, we both kinda like the same type of books genre or maybe author. I noticed the books you read while I'm in the park. There were many times I wanted to talk to you about it but I may come off as a creep telling you that I'm also reading the same book as you." Hold on here ladies and gentlemen, did he just said he notices me? NOT YOU, the book!!! Don't be such a desperate asshole!

"YOU'RE KIDDING right? After all this time. I was dying inside to share my opinions too. Internet is a good place though." STOP TALKING! I was exasperated that he did not even approach me at all.  He laughs off with a relieved. So I guess he might not be my guy after all. Book buddy maybe? Secret crush gay book buddy maybe? Sigh... Shattered.

"Hence... I guess using the Library-Card for direction works on you." He looked down and stole a glance at me with his eyes arching so up while tightening his lips. Awww... he's in desperation to discuss about the book and not me. He's just too cute.

"Wh- What...? So the library it's the excuse? Hold up... Wait wait wait." We stopped walking. He looks worried.

"Are you mad? I'm sorry, are you ok? Upset maybe?" I was so going to hug him but then again we just met. I might be the creep instead.

"No, not at all... (laughing) So, you want to talk about the books that we are reading? I guess we're choosing the wrong location to discuss, my friend. Library doesn't allow us to talk. They will shush you the minute they here our voices." Don't sound too obnoxious, it might come off as arrogant.

"I thought the library would have those small discussion rooms for us to do so?" Cheeky, small private room. I like him more already. Don't even go there. He's not even into you to begin with.

"Hahaha!!! It's always booked up if we are not early during the weekends. Let's head back to my favorite spot and discuss about the book! Which volume are you at right? Hold that thought, maybe you could get your favorite beverage and join me there! Deal?" Mutual book buddy it is. I'd rather be honest with myself before diving into another round of self-inflicted disappointments.

"That's definitely a deal! Give me 10 minutes, I'll see you there! By the way, I'm Randy and I'm book three just like where you're reading now." He looks like he just won himself a jackpot. That dimple, just too cute.

"I'm Josh."

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[2 months later at the park --  same favorite spot]

"Hey!" Randy greeted with a paper bag full of stuff.

"Hey, we're having a feast again?" I smiled and gave him a friendly hug. It's been 2 months and I really do hope for more than a hug. And oh God, he still smells so good after all this time.

And out of nowhere, he puts his lips onto mine and said, "We've got lots to discuss with his third book." I stopped and stared at him.

**THE WORLD JUST STOPS. MY WORLD JUST STAND STILL.**

What the hell just happened? Did that just happen? I stood there still, staring at him with a puzzled look as he was unpacking everything from that paper bag. My mind is thinking way too much and they are not in order. Flashbacks with all the activities we have been doing all this while. My angst just left me? Come back! Hey! I can't do this alone. Come back!

"Randy... Randy, what the hell just happened? What was that kiss about?" I asked. He stopped and turned to look at me.

"It has been 2 months, and you have not make your move. So, I guess it's time for me to make mine." How does he even know? Was I obvious?

"Ermm... Sorry, what?" I'm still lost for words. He laughs.

"I can sense that we really like each other, like, a lot! But I can't wait any longer. That kiss was supposed to be our second book discussion last month and you didn't make the move. I brought mint candy along, but I guess you didn't get the hint..."

He puts his hands around my arms. That smell is killing me and so I just kiss him... He returned that kiss with so much passion by caressing his hands on my face. My hands wrapped around his upper back. He's so fine!!! He started to moan with his tongue. Gawd, it felt so good. Book... discussion... come back to your senses! Come back to your books!

I pulled away. He knew why. We both smile knowingly with understanding. Angst, you came back! Admittedly, I was so hard, and so was he as he was adjusting his crotch are to make it less obvious. We were actually really hot for each other. We knew that kiss wasn't enough but it is just not at the right place and settings. We still have to be civil in the public.

(Now there's really someone staring with a thumbs up sign.)

"Let's get back to our book discussion before people think that we're primates in the zoo started our mating season." He laughs out so loud as he gave me a lover's hug.

"Sure, babe." Babe? No one ever calls me that. I like that. I could really get used to that. That's really endearing.

"Babe? I like that."

We locked eyes and we smiled.

Books.

Day to day

He used to smile and greet me with much love and affection. Today, he walks into the room facing the floor. My first reaction, have I done something wrong? Or was he having a bad day? He looks at me, then he looks away and he went straight into the bathroom to take his shower.

I didn't know how to cheer him up. So, I just did what I do best. Setting our dinner that was readily prepared for his homecoming. The sound of his shower has ceased. My heart sank and started beating with anxiety. Will he even share?

He walks out with his towel that wraps around his waist, forcing a smile, and said, "Now, that smells like home." I gestured him to the dining table, but he wanted to be decent first before meal time. I poured us a glass of cold juice on the table, that's his favourite beverage.

As I was preparing his salad, he came from behind hugging me from my waist. Playfully, resting his head on my shoulder and inhale, whilst he asked me, "Do you always smell this good?"

"We're using the same soap when we shower." I answered. He smirks and kissed my neck by giving those fake bite. I asked him again, "Are you ok? You don't seem like yourself today. Something's off about you."

"I screwed up, babe. I screwed up at work. I'm in a mess now. I don't know why, but I'm feeling like the biggest loser today. Is there a way to get out from feeling like this?" He explained.

"Oh, did your boss gave you a hard time?"

"No, she only tells me that it could be better. I sensed her disappointments, but the more she's ok about it, I feel even worse than before."

I nodded. I stopped because we got carried away.

"Alright, what did we discussed about bringing work matters back home?" I reminded.

"That work always sucks and it should not be part of our home conversation unless it's edifying?" He recited it with a smile.

He sniffs my neck one last time, squeezing my butt, and stole a kiss from me before letting me go from that hug. He took that bowl of salad from me, as I was taking our cutleries to the table.

We washed up and head back to bed. He cuddles me from behind again. "Can I be the baby tonight? I want to feel your arm around my chest to give me an assurance that I'll be ok."

So I did what he asked. The next morning, I realised we weren't in the same position. He face was literally against mine, snoring away like a baby, wrapping his entire body on top of me. A baby he is, that so-called man of my dreams. I just hug him, his stops snoring, he smiled and said, "I love you."

We kissed.

One of those nights

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

We got back from dinner and he was all restless and groggy for staying up late last night for work that he was unable to complete. I was anticipating a movie night after a long week of hard work, he wasn't feeling it.

I guess I have to watch it in the living room all by myself then. He said he needed to shower and goes straight to sleep. You can see it in his eyes that energy has fully drained from all the workload. So, I prep up a bottle of drinking water for the night by squeezing half a lemon juice for some flavoring at his bedside. Knowing full well, he needed to stay hydrated during the night.

Eventually, I've prepared myself a good bowl of ice cream with some crushed chocolate mint cookies on top of it. I heard him got out of the bathroom all freshen up and with nothing on, coming my way just to kiss me goodnight. What a tease! But it was our practice, no matter how angry we are with each other, we will have to kiss each other goodnight. It's a pact! It's our pact!

My movie ended at about 1:47am and I was all hyped up with their next movie installment which is archived in my "to watch list" folder. As I was washing my bowl of ice cream, I heard noises coming from our room. Those rustling noise that can't be missed, it was our stand fan that got switched on. He's not asleep yet? That can't be it.

As I switched off the kitchen light, I walked in quietly just to make sure he's asleep. When my eyes are getting used to the darkness, he was laying there on his stomach naked with the fan directed to him. His muscular back makes it all worthwhile for me to have a few more stares in admiration before I climb over to my bedside to have my fair share of sleep. 

When I got myself all comfortable, he suddenly said this,

"Hey, I'm not asleep yet."

"Why aren't you asleep? You look really tired."

"I miss watching it with you. But I'm really lethargic but still, I miss you."

"I miss you too. What's going on? What's in your mind?"

He started telling me about the people he works with, the unfair treatments. He said he chose the high road by remaining his silence (which I agreed). And he suddenly pan over to my side and pull me closer to him with his head on my neck and he said,

"I wanted to tell you I'm so frustrated but it seems so unfair to you."

"Now wait a minute, why do you say that?" I was shocked when I replied, he never says that about himself that way before.

"I always feel inadequate when I'm in a workplace. And when I'm home and I got to see you. I don't feel that about myself anymore. Have I not been talking to you lately?"

I kissed his forehead and replied, 

"Nerd, you needed the rest. You're on anxiety mode because you're too tired. Come closer to me! Because I need my princess sleep with you too."

"I'm the princess tonight! So, do I get the whole night with you?" His head is still on my neck while whispering to my ear.

"Alright, alright, the whole night." I smiled.

"Can I grab your cute butt too?" 

"Hey! You stole my line!"

He giggled, "I know... because you can't resist mine. I'm all yours to grab."

In just a few minutes of silence, I heard him snoring through my ears with his thumb on my nipple. I am really glad that he's able to fall asleep with my hand caressing his cute muscular heinie.

Our weekend

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There he was, reading that Sunday newspaper right across me sipping his scorching hot coffee. We both like it black and sugarless. Scratching his tummy (previously packs) and started talking out loud,

"Honey, remember that shooting I was talking about? It seems like it's another case of bully victimization again."

I looked to him and smiled. He is so adorable when he talks about something that he's passionate about. He could get all emotional if you disagree with him just because his opinion withstand the rest whoever oppose him. And when he knows that you'd equally care about it too, his eyes will turned softer and steal a kiss from me with a gentle,

"I love you."

That itself, breaks me into pieces of sugar fairy dust. And to that, I could sprinkle my love for him too. 

Mama stayed over during the weekend with us, just to check on whether our groceries are all well stocked up before we welcome the winter season. As she was washing up some of our vegetables, he stood up and gave mama a hug and whisper something for her to know.

Mama started giggling, she turned towards my direction and said,

"You, my son, how could you bully him last night?"

"What have I done to bully him, Ma?" I questioned with a cynical smile.

"You're the one to talk, you've snatched off his blanket and left him naked on the bed all night long." 

She'd playfully lectures me in front of me. He standing by her side, with his brows so high and gave me the meanest look. I'm so gonna get him back.

"Nonsense, Ma! I did nothing of that sort. For all you know, he has been kicking me through the night and I did not even complain to either any of you." I just add on to my indirect complains with an attitude towards him.

They both burst into laughter when he brought out a jar of orange juice from the refrigerator and said to mama,

"Ma, come sit with us and talk. I don't want you doing all the work around here when clearly you're our special guest in this house."

He is so charming when he's all hospitable and so welcoming to anyone he enjoys a company with. Mama stops the washing and tap me on my shoulder just to clean off the excessive water off her hands and sat in between us and said,

"You know, I've always been wrong about you both. Dad would never understand the love you guys have for each other. Now that he's gone, I hope he can witness what I'm currently enjoying right now. The company of both very capable adults that truly understand the meaning of being for each other during this difficult time. I love you both very very much."

Mama was a little teary and continue,

"Promised me that you two stay faithful and loving for each other."

He looked at me while Mama was saying that to us. I remember he reminded me last night that I am irreplaceable. And I assured him that too. I hope what we've exchanged remains true until end of time. Mama continues,

"Also, you both are bound to love me, forever!" She giggles as she peak at us.

He and I took a glance with each other and quickly ran over to Mama and gave her the longest kiss until she screamed,

"Oh no... Stop! Gay men kissing me that hurts my cheek!"

We laughed as the oven ticks off with an alarm. Which means, our chicken pie is ready to be served. Mama uses a casserole dish to create that large chunk of pie like she's serving 20 people. I guess, her version of staying over is to sinfully glutton her way with us so that we could spend time and hangs out with her during this grieving period. It has been 3 months dad has passed. I think she needed a break from being alone.

He whispers to me,

"I think your dad will be so proud of you, no matter what the circumstances are. Stay strong with your mama, everything is going to be alright because I will be here for both of you."

And that itself makes me the happiest guy in the whole wide world. And that made me respond to him and said with an earnest heart,

"Honey, I love you."

We kissed.

Aradamis

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

I live by the sea for 23 years. My parents died here when I was 4 years of age. I am raised by 2 lovely souls with an enormous heart to care for my well-being. Their loved for me is border-less. They taught me everything I know about the sea. Often they asked, whether I still remember how my parents look like. I always shakes my head with an assuring no. This inkling in me often makes me think if my answer differs, it will break their heart so bad.

Every night, when they'd fast asleep, I will go by the edge of that dock just to stare blank at the darken horizon just to speak with my parents. Asking myself, will they ever recognize me? Will they remember my voice? Whom do I looked like the most? Are my hobbies similar with either of them? I will never ever know.

The occasional moonlight and starlight sparkling reflection through the surface of the seawater reminisce how mama sang that beautiful song for me. She always allows my toes to tingle just a little of that seawater just to make me giggle. I can never remember the words, but I'm able to hum along that sweet melodic music that makes me really joyful.

Here I am, my usual date in the dark, as the salty sea breeze gracing through my face, the humming of mama's music within me starts. I thought it was me but it's not. It felt like it was coming from within me. The humming was as low as my diaphragm tremors, and within minutes, there was a big splash on my right which taken me by surprise. And there was laughter... Joyful laughter... I've not heard before.

"Raphael! Turn around, I'm right beside you!" That voice exclaimed with excitement.

"Where are you? Who are you? How do you know my name? Is this some kind of joke?" The chill goes directly into my bones as I am trembling with so much fear. What is really going on?

"Raphael, Raphael... My dear Raphael, I've been watching you since you were small. How could I not know you?" That voice came back again on my left this round with lots of splashing sound.

"You're scaring me... I'm leaving. This is all a dream. A nightmare! I'm heading back!" I'm trembling with fear and I can't move away.

"No wait! Don't go! I'm your friend. Why are you afraid of me?" His voice is like inches away from my right side now and that endless splashing is really annoying.

"Friend? What are you? I can't even decipher what or who you are. I can't even see you." I questioned him.

The sudden burst of emerald lights and turquoise sparks with all that seawater splashes around me that caught me off guard. I stare directly into the voyage, and still, I'm searching for a creature of any sort that's able to fit that voice.

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

As the figure starts appearing, I just couldn't believe my eyes, he was standing majestically in front of me, fully nude. He's shining so bright which brought much more fear to me. So I boldly asked,

"Who... who... are you? And what... what are you?"

"Raphael, I'm a merman. And my name is Adamaris. You should already know me by now. That song you hum nightly is what brought us to you." That man said so with a voice so thunderous.

"Us? Who's us? What song?" I asking in a state of denial.

"That song your mother hums before she was taken away. We are your guardians from this ocean and you are one of us. I'm in my human form when I'm not part of the ocean, hence my transformation as a merman is when I touch the essence of this earth, the seawater." He explains.

"You... You know my mother?You know my parents? You know them? Can I see them? You do have special powers like what you did just now... I want to see them. I missed them so much, I missed them dearly!" I've lost all control when I say it, and when I knew I stopped, I was already kneeling down sobbing.

He came over to me to pick me up. And without a hint, he came by to kiss me on my lips and the world around me swirl violently and I can't hold on to that whirlpool of rush as I'm being brought to another dimension of time. It was so quick as he pulls his lips away from me and he uttered,

"I think that's enough for tonight."

"You've... You've just... Showed me my past. So much has happened. So much! I can't seem to take it in all at once. Why are you doing this to me? Tell me more, please" I am confuse and clear with so much truth being thrown to me all in one kiss. I couldn't comprehend the magical truth behind what Aradamis has done to me.

"You've just experienced the wonders of the ocean's secret. Of all the people I've known, you have that privileged for me to do so because you're part of us. Now that you've understand the reason behind your parent's departure, I want you to consider this wisely." He took a deep breath and continues, "that song is the royal emblem to our people in the ocean with the highest of respect. Use it for good as I will be watching you always."

"But that kiss..." I uttered something I thought I shouldn't.

"Yes, that kiss I gave you are both magical and personal at the same time. I hope you don't mind the twist towards the end." He giggled.

"Adamaris, I couldn't have thank you enough. I don't know what to say. Is this not a dream?" I blushed.

"Say no more!" As he hands out a necklace full of shining emerald pearls with pictures of my parents in it, and he says, "Raphael, this necklace is made by all of us and we want you to have it. Keep it as it will safeguard your heart with so much love and respect. Call me when you need me. I'm always a hum away."

He jumps back into the sea with a big splash of water covered me and in split seconds I saw him transformed into a full fledged beautiful merman. Shining still, he swam back beautifully into the deep. He turns back and waves goodbye towards my direction and swept off like a speed of light.

So, I thought to myself, I must be dreaming. Or I'm having a vision because this can't be it. It can't be it. A merman...? I'm delusional! I might have just fall into the sea and knock my head somewhere and got  myself thinking there's a merman in this world.

But what's within my hand that I'm holding. That sparkling necklace is what reminds me of the reality of Aradamis. Am I really part of the ocean? Am I part of them? I will never know until my next encounter with Aradamis. Is he real? Was the kiss a sense of my delusional past or was it truly magical? I will never know. 

As I walk home, both my earthly guardians were behind me all this while witnessing that enchanting episode. Mother was sobbing with so much joy and tears and said this to me,

"I was about to tell you when you're ready, but I didn't know they'd come sooner than I expected."

Father said,

"We know you are very special, but we didn't expect them to come so soon."

With a big smile, I assured them that I won't be going anywhere because nothing beats the love and care the have given me. That kiss tells me much more than I need. I know now who loves me more and how their love has brought me up with so much respect of the care that they've been giving.

My time with the dock will now end because I know now the truth that Aradamis has given to me. As for Aradamis, I will treasure that special encounter with awe and wonder. I will call for him again soon but not now. 

Now, is the time for me to love my cute little parents who brought me up with so much tender loving care. That 19 years is what I've considered truly magical to me.

Tomorrow

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The morning has come when I have to face what I fear most. It was a new day, a new change. I remembered I was told by him that he is no longer having the same feeling for me back when how we've started. I still remember vividly how he tells me he was through with me during dinner time at his place.

I knew this was coming and I was so downcast that it was this soon. Again, I refrain from arguing with him because I do not see the point in it anymore. All I ever asked was,

"Is he good to you?" I asked sincerely.

His answer to me was cold and harsh,

"That, is no longer your concern. Anymore."

It hurts so much just to hear those words directly from him as the receiving end because I know my care for him have already been taken advantage of. I am just history to him.

I remember he used to yearn and beg for care when he needed it. He would usually asked for more when I was never ready. He will asks for things he think he wants and I'll be sacrificing all of those for him with no questions asked. Truthfully, I am a bore to him.

Now, I know he doesn't need me anymore.

He has been cheating on me ever since I can remember. I know but I never wanted to confront. He has been secretly texting a guy whom I've not met mutually. In retrospect, I'm being too complacent with our relationship, he dominates the entire relationship by meeting all his wants from me.

I do not demand for love like how he does it.

I do not beg for attention like how he asks for it.

I do not practice materialism like how he splurge it.

Surprisingly, what I'm going to miss most is, is his enthusiasm for life. He is always eager to try new things which brought colors to my life. He made me see things in so many different perspectives which no one I know is able to pull such energized stunt in a courtship.

It was 8.06pm and the feeling I had is not sadness. It's a feeling that I am over staying my welcome the minute he asked me to let him go. So, I asked emotionlessly,

"Are you expecting someone? I can pack all my stuff and you can see the last of me from today onwards."

"You don't have to be like that. Why do you always have to talk like that? There will be no one else coming to my place at all. Don't always sound like a know-it-all!" He sounded really defensive.

"Then I guess I'll pack then." I stood up, I know him too well.

"Damn it, Malcolm! Why do you always have to see through me?" He demanded. 

I closed my eyes and inhale a deep breath. Then I looked at him as I exhale,

"You tend to lie every time you want things your way. What makes this lie anymore different than the rest in which you have done before?"

"Then I suggest that you stay. Just to prove my innocence that no one will be coming." He fidget with his fingers around his cell phone. He never changes, he's betting on either his pride, ego or maybe himself.

"There is no need to prove anything. Not to me. I will just pack my stuff and leave. It is painful for me to even stay on here when clearly you do not want me to be around." I quietly move to his room and started packing.

*Door Bells Ring*. 

Just about time that I finished packing, and for some odd reason, he looks really pale.

He wasn't ready I suppose. As I walked out, he was trying to justify his actions again as he walks by to open the door. And here comes that person whom I've been longing to see.

His new lover.

"Oh hi! You must be..." He squinted his eyes and he was puzzled.

"Hi sir, I'm the help. I'm just trying to clean up the mess as soon as possible so that you two are able to enjoy the evening together." I interrupted abruptly when I noticed my ex-boyfriend's facial expressions.

"Wonderful! Honey, you didn't tell me you hired the help to clean up the house!" He was smiling towards my ex-lover with glittering eyes. "You always know how to surprise me even more, like everyday."

I've packed up my stuff and said to them,

"It's been a pleasure, sirs. Allow me to wish you both a happy evening together. I have to take these out."

"Thank you!!!" His new lover exclaimed.

I closed that door behind me. I wanted to cry so bad. And I heard him say,

"I forgot to pay him."

I quickly wiped off that little emotional tears that I shed and stand confidently outside waiting for the lift. He came running towards my direction and said,

"You didn't have to do that just now. You shouldn't have..."

"Goodbye, Justin. It's been a real pleasure knowing you. I will now move on with mine. And I hope we can still be friends even if we didn't work out as lovers." I hugged him. It was our last hug. A real hug. 

He is now officially my history.

"Friends. Definitely." He uttered with guilt.

Now, all of these seems like yesterday when I actually saw him walking towards my direction with a different partner again. The break seems like yesterday, but it feels like last week? Or was it last month? Has it been longer than that? Ha! I can't even remember how long was it anymore. He is no longer my pain. I have forgotten many of the events that he and I were together.

He was my lesson learned. He is my friend still because after all, he did smile at me while he passes me by. He is what made me new again. And by him making that decision to let me go, I have met my loving husband of 3 years and more (hopefully).

Tomorrow will always be a better day for me. Tomorrow is what I will always look forward for.

Tomorrow.

Bus Ride

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He always chooses the seat ajar next to mine in the bus. And what do I usually do? Being the stalker-ish person I am; I always take a peek at him from underneath the book I'm reading just to confirm whether he does the same every morning. He never fails to greet me with a very firm baritone voice and a smile,

"Good Morning".

Foolish that I am, I only know how to nod and smile back at him. I hate my Asian heritage of being submissive. It's been 7 months I've been here, sitting the same bus, same seat. And this is all the action we have ever shared. Pathetic, I know. But today he was slightly different, he greeted with a,

"It was a lovely Sunday, ain't in?"

I put my book down with a smile and with my very first reply,

"It was." (Yeah right, like he believes that.)

I dive straight back into my book and continue reading as the journey goes on. With my peripheral sight, the inkling of knowing he is interested with the book I'm reading, makes it even harder to concentrate.

I've been reading that same page for the past 2 minutes, and I can't seem to get past that page. Crap, he's still staring. Oh... I never like those long stares. It's so awkward. I can't deal with that.

Alright, I get it, you're an above average looking man, you often get the attention or enjoy the second glances. And me, I never like such attention from someone else, because I won't do it unto others either.

I just can't concentrate!

Suddenly, (He snaps me out from my thoughts.)

"Excuse me."

He got my attention. I looked at him. Of course I have to look at him... We're always the first two in the bus. Think, you idiot! Think! I mean look, look at him!

"Are you reading a Paul Hudson's book?" He asked as he was pointing at my book.

I nodded vigorously with a pouch lips. And when it came to his senses, instantly he shifted nearer towards my direction with much enthusiasm and got all excited and started to ask whether I've read other of his books.

"Have you read that famous series from Paul?" His second question.

"Oh... 'The Genocide Redemption' series?"  I asked.

"Oh my god, YES!!! You know about that series too?" He was getting more excited now. I have never seen that part of him before. He's so himself right now.

I nod along and said,

"Well, yeah. I've read all 5 of them, waiting for the newest release this September."

His eyes went gold fish and sat nearer to the edge of his seat,

"Yes! I just knew it from yesterday's Hudson's Twitter announcement. And I thought I was the only weird one who reads that series. Oh, the humanity, I've finally found a Hudson buddy now."

"Oh..." I smiled to entertain, "Interesting. But many has said that his books are too...too...(what's that word)" I was trying to recollect what some of the reviews wrote about this series once again. And then it hit me...

"Descriptive!"

"Descriptive!"

(Simultaneously)

He looked at me with amusement.

I raised both my eyebrows towards his direction.

It was so awkward (the good kind of awkward) yet it was so fulfilling at the same time. Then again, we both laughed at each other's jinx. In which, it kind of breaks the ice between our 7 months of nodding, smiling and his favorable greetings.

I couldn't contain myself from uttering,

"I'm actually a big fan of Hudsons'..."

He looks at me and interrupted,

"Me too! Never did I know I could find someone who lives near by, who likes his books as much as I do. We could have tons of coffee session to discuss all of Hudson's Easter eggs in the series!"

Wait, was that an invitation? Get it out of your system! He's out of your league! Just speak! Speak like a normal person, you moron...

"Yeah, I guess we could." I think I gave my awkward smile. It wasn't fair to him.

His smile was even wider than I thought. He was thrilled and suggested,

"Let's do it! This Friday evening then, shall we? It's the weekend. We could have dinner, coffee and maybe some ice cream too if coffee is too caffeinated."

Inside me, I hesitated but I blurted,

"This sounds awesome! Here's my stop. See you again... erm" I've just realised I didn’t know his name.

"Oh... It's Blake."He responded. That was fast.

"And I'm Joseph. Later, Blake."

"Later."

Is he my new found book buddy? God, I enjoy admiring his charm and good looks every morning for the past 7 months. And what just happened? Now, we both have the same liking towards an author and book series... What are the odds? This is really an actual What-The-Fuck moment for me, like right now. I am so happy inside. It’s like a rush but I couldn’t tell anyone.

He was being friendly not because of me. It was all because of the books that I've been reading all this while. Joey Joseph Lee! Vanilla never goes well with Garlic. Always remember that!

"Hey,  Joseph!!!" Someone called me from afar.

I turned, it was Blake. He was running towards my direction. Alright, you have to be steady, steady like a rock; just do not jump into any stupid conclusions. And please do not embarrass yourself!

He was panting while stretching out with a piece of paper handed to me. The moment I took it from him, he quickly said,

"Please do not get offended by the gesture if you're not." He winks at me, I'm still puzzled and he ran off.

That piece of paper was written in this manner:

Blake likes you.

Blake gives number to Joseph.

555-787-657864

Blake wants you to call Blake.

Blake is shy.

Please call Blake.

Blake will wait.

After reading it, I just couldn't stop laughing. I’m definitely smiling. While reading that piece of paper again and again, it’s like a thousand times more. And then, there goes my creepiness by smelling that piece of paper just to check whether it has that same cologne smell of his. And it does.

In fact, I'm so excited to meet him on Friday. It is just like I couldn't contain my excitement. So, I bring out my cell to register his number and texted him a message:

Joseph can't call Blake now but...

Joseph could message Blake.

Joseph can't wait for Friday.

Joseph still can see Blake tmr morning.

Joseph likes Blake too.

Joseph is shy too.

His reply:

Blake is melting.

Blake wants to dance with excitement.

Blake can't wait to see Joseph tomorrow morning.

Epilogue:

That's how our story started.

That's how our relationship starting to grow.

That's how we grew to love each other.

That's how we tell everyone our love story.

That's how we decided to get married after 5 years of assurance.

Still, we never fail to read each other's book recommendations.

Blake genuinely loves Paul Hudson's book not just all because of Joseph.

Partly, it was because of Joseph.

During their union vows:

Joseph's vow:

Joseph will forever loves Blake.

Blake's vow: 

No matter what Joseph has said; Blake loves Joseph FIRST!