Tomorrow

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

The morning has come when I have to face what I fear most. It was a new day, a new change. I remembered I was told by him that he is no longer having the same feeling for me back when how we've started. I still remember vividly how he tells me he was through with me during dinner time at his place.

I knew this was coming and I was so downcast that it was this soon. Again, I refrain from arguing with him because I do not see the point in it anymore. All I ever asked was,

"Is he good to you?" I asked sincerely.

His answer to me was cold and harsh,

"That, is no longer your concern. Anymore."

It hurts so much just to hear those words directly from him as the receiving end because I know my care for him have already been taken advantage of. I am just history to him.

I remember he used to yearn and beg for care when he needed it. He would usually asked for more when I was never ready. He will asks for things he think he wants and I'll be sacrificing all of those for him with no questions asked. Truthfully, I am a bore to him.

Now, I know he doesn't need me anymore.

He has been cheating on me ever since I can remember. I know but I never wanted to confront. He has been secretly texting a guy whom I've not met mutually. In retrospect, I'm being too complacent with our relationship, he dominates the entire relationship by meeting all his wants from me.

I do not demand for love like how he does it.

I do not beg for attention like how he asks for it.

I do not practice materialism like how he splurge it.

Surprisingly, what I'm going to miss most is, is his enthusiasm for life. He is always eager to try new things which brought colors to my life. He made me see things in so many different perspectives which no one I know is able to pull such energized stunt in a courtship.

It was 8.06pm and the feeling I had is not sadness. It's a feeling that I am over staying my welcome the minute he asked me to let him go. So, I asked emotionlessly,

"Are you expecting someone? I can pack all my stuff and you can see the last of me from today onwards."

"You don't have to be like that. Why do you always have to talk like that? There will be no one else coming to my place at all. Don't always sound like a know-it-all!" He sounded really defensive.

"Then I guess I'll pack then." I stood up, I know him too well.

"Damn it, Malcolm! Why do you always have to see through me?" He demanded. 

I closed my eyes and inhale a deep breath. Then I looked at him as I exhale,

"You tend to lie every time you want things your way. What makes this lie anymore different than the rest in which you have done before?"

"Then I suggest that you stay. Just to prove my innocence that no one will be coming." He fidget with his fingers around his cell phone. He never changes, he's betting on either his pride, ego or maybe himself.

"There is no need to prove anything. Not to me. I will just pack my stuff and leave. It is painful for me to even stay on here when clearly you do not want me to be around." I quietly move to his room and started packing.

*Door Bells Ring*. 

Just about time that I finished packing, and for some odd reason, he looks really pale.

He wasn't ready I suppose. As I walked out, he was trying to justify his actions again as he walks by to open the door. And here comes that person whom I've been longing to see.

His new lover.

"Oh hi! You must be..." He squinted his eyes and he was puzzled.

"Hi sir, I'm the help. I'm just trying to clean up the mess as soon as possible so that you two are able to enjoy the evening together." I interrupted abruptly when I noticed my ex-boyfriend's facial expressions.

"Wonderful! Honey, you didn't tell me you hired the help to clean up the house!" He was smiling towards my ex-lover with glittering eyes. "You always know how to surprise me even more, like everyday."

I've packed up my stuff and said to them,

"It's been a pleasure, sirs. Allow me to wish you both a happy evening together. I have to take these out."

"Thank you!!!" His new lover exclaimed.

I closed that door behind me. I wanted to cry so bad. And I heard him say,

"I forgot to pay him."

I quickly wiped off that little emotional tears that I shed and stand confidently outside waiting for the lift. He came running towards my direction and said,

"You didn't have to do that just now. You shouldn't have..."

"Goodbye, Justin. It's been a real pleasure knowing you. I will now move on with mine. And I hope we can still be friends even if we didn't work out as lovers." I hugged him. It was our last hug. A real hug. 

He is now officially my history.

"Friends. Definitely." He uttered with guilt.

Now, all of these seems like yesterday when I actually saw him walking towards my direction with a different partner again. The break seems like yesterday, but it feels like last week? Or was it last month? Has it been longer than that? Ha! I can't even remember how long was it anymore. He is no longer my pain. I have forgotten many of the events that he and I were together.

He was my lesson learned. He is my friend still because after all, he did smile at me while he passes me by. He is what made me new again. And by him making that decision to let me go, I have met my loving husband of 3 years and more (hopefully).

Tomorrow will always be a better day for me. Tomorrow is what I will always look forward for.

Tomorrow.

Bus Ride

Photo Credit: Waynn Images

He always chooses the seat ajar next to mine in the bus. And what do I usually do? Being the stalker-ish person I am; I always take a peek at him from underneath the book I'm reading just to confirm whether he does the same every morning. He never fails to greet me with a very firm baritone voice and a smile,

"Good Morning".

Foolish that I am, I only know how to nod and smile back at him. I hate my Asian heritage of being submissive. It's been 7 months I've been here, sitting the same bus, same seat. And this is all the action we have ever shared. Pathetic, I know. But today he was slightly different, he greeted with a,

"It was a lovely Sunday, ain't in?"

I put my book down with a smile and with my very first reply,

"It was." (Yeah right, like he believes that.)

I dive straight back into my book and continue reading as the journey goes on. With my peripheral sight, the inkling of knowing he is interested with the book I'm reading, makes it even harder to concentrate.

I've been reading that same page for the past 2 minutes, and I can't seem to get past that page. Crap, he's still staring. Oh... I never like those long stares. It's so awkward. I can't deal with that.

Alright, I get it, you're an above average looking man, you often get the attention or enjoy the second glances. And me, I never like such attention from someone else, because I won't do it unto others either.

I just can't concentrate!

Suddenly, (He snaps me out from my thoughts.)

"Excuse me."

He got my attention. I looked at him. Of course I have to look at him... We're always the first two in the bus. Think, you idiot! Think! I mean look, look at him!

"Are you reading a Paul Hudson's book?" He asked as he was pointing at my book.

I nodded vigorously with a pouch lips. And when it came to his senses, instantly he shifted nearer towards my direction with much enthusiasm and got all excited and started to ask whether I've read other of his books.

"Have you read that famous series from Paul?" His second question.

"Oh... 'The Genocide Redemption' series?"  I asked.

"Oh my god, YES!!! You know about that series too?" He was getting more excited now. I have never seen that part of him before. He's so himself right now.

I nod along and said,

"Well, yeah. I've read all 5 of them, waiting for the newest release this September."

His eyes went gold fish and sat nearer to the edge of his seat,

"Yes! I just knew it from yesterday's Hudson's Twitter announcement. And I thought I was the only weird one who reads that series. Oh, the humanity, I've finally found a Hudson buddy now."

"Oh..." I smiled to entertain, "Interesting. But many has said that his books are too...too...(what's that word)" I was trying to recollect what some of the reviews wrote about this series once again. And then it hit me...

"Descriptive!"

"Descriptive!"

(Simultaneously)

He looked at me with amusement.

I raised both my eyebrows towards his direction.

It was so awkward (the good kind of awkward) yet it was so fulfilling at the same time. Then again, we both laughed at each other's jinx. In which, it kind of breaks the ice between our 7 months of nodding, smiling and his favorable greetings.

I couldn't contain myself from uttering,

"I'm actually a big fan of Hudsons'..."

He looks at me and interrupted,

"Me too! Never did I know I could find someone who lives near by, who likes his books as much as I do. We could have tons of coffee session to discuss all of Hudson's Easter eggs in the series!"

Wait, was that an invitation? Get it out of your system! He's out of your league! Just speak! Speak like a normal person, you moron...

"Yeah, I guess we could." I think I gave my awkward smile. It wasn't fair to him.

His smile was even wider than I thought. He was thrilled and suggested,

"Let's do it! This Friday evening then, shall we? It's the weekend. We could have dinner, coffee and maybe some ice cream too if coffee is too caffeinated."

Inside me, I hesitated but I blurted,

"This sounds awesome! Here's my stop. See you again... erm" I've just realised I didn’t know his name.

"Oh... It's Blake."He responded. That was fast.

"And I'm Joseph. Later, Blake."

"Later."

Is he my new found book buddy? God, I enjoy admiring his charm and good looks every morning for the past 7 months. And what just happened? Now, we both have the same liking towards an author and book series... What are the odds? This is really an actual What-The-Fuck moment for me, like right now. I am so happy inside. It’s like a rush but I couldn’t tell anyone.

He was being friendly not because of me. It was all because of the books that I've been reading all this while. Joey Joseph Lee! Vanilla never goes well with Garlic. Always remember that!

"Hey,  Joseph!!!" Someone called me from afar.

I turned, it was Blake. He was running towards my direction. Alright, you have to be steady, steady like a rock; just do not jump into any stupid conclusions. And please do not embarrass yourself!

He was panting while stretching out with a piece of paper handed to me. The moment I took it from him, he quickly said,

"Please do not get offended by the gesture if you're not." He winks at me, I'm still puzzled and he ran off.

That piece of paper was written in this manner:

Blake likes you.

Blake gives number to Joseph.

555-787-657864

Blake wants you to call Blake.

Blake is shy.

Please call Blake.

Blake will wait.

After reading it, I just couldn't stop laughing. I’m definitely smiling. While reading that piece of paper again and again, it’s like a thousand times more. And then, there goes my creepiness by smelling that piece of paper just to check whether it has that same cologne smell of his. And it does.

In fact, I'm so excited to meet him on Friday. It is just like I couldn't contain my excitement. So, I bring out my cell to register his number and texted him a message:

Joseph can't call Blake now but...

Joseph could message Blake.

Joseph can't wait for Friday.

Joseph still can see Blake tmr morning.

Joseph likes Blake too.

Joseph is shy too.

His reply:

Blake is melting.

Blake wants to dance with excitement.

Blake can't wait to see Joseph tomorrow morning.

Epilogue:

That's how our story started.

That's how our relationship starting to grow.

That's how we grew to love each other.

That's how we tell everyone our love story.

That's how we decided to get married after 5 years of assurance.

Still, we never fail to read each other's book recommendations.

Blake genuinely loves Paul Hudson's book not just all because of Joseph.

Partly, it was because of Joseph.

During their union vows:

Joseph's vow:

Joseph will forever loves Blake.

Blake's vow: 

No matter what Joseph has said; Blake loves Joseph FIRST!

Laundry

It was a warm night, and I'm down at the laundry place for a quick wash. I always choose Wednesday and Friday, so that I could plan my weekend to fold and do some ironing altogether at the same time. So, my usual Vivaldi's Four Season and a paperback is what gets me through that 25 minutes of wash and dry.

Mrs Myers has always been my laundry companion for the past 2 years. She's this little 72 year old grandma whom we always greeted, and exchange a few words of cares and concerns for each other. After those few minutes of quality times, we are back to our chores. I love her to bits and I will always remember to buy her flowers just to put that cute little smile on her face which brightens up my day and of course hers as well.

I have not been seeing her lately and I was worried for her well-being. But there was this unfamiliar face whom he's just walks in washing his non regular clothing clumsily. Politely, he came to ask how laundry is done. So, I showed him some few good tricks to get most out of his detergent and coins in just 1 wash.

He was appreciative and thanked me with a smile. And that's when I realized he has this very uncanny trademark smile. Perhaps he might be related to someone I know. I might be wrong. My laundry is done and I wondering whether Mrs Myers is still doing well. I wanted to pay her a visit, but this guy still looks busy and confused by sorting out his bucket of clothings.

"Erm... Do you mind telling me again, whether the detergent should be a spoon or two?" He asked with much embarrassment.

"Just one will do. You're just having that amount of clothing, with two spoons, you might wash all of these clothing through the night and still feel them soapy." I explained.

He smiled with an appreciation while sorting out his clothing. And I, with my weakness for men, I've decided to approach him by extending a lending hand.

"I can help, if you want to." I extended.

"Oh, please do teach me. I'm not good with stuff like this and I need to learn fast." He was scratching his head while explaining.

"Says who?" I asked. He just smile without an answer.

As I was sorting out all of his clothing. Suddenly, I pulled out a huge bra. 

I was stunt. I looked at him. My face puzzled. 

He looked at me. Gesturing to explain. He blushed.

I giggled and lifted it up, "Erm... I hope this isn't a surprise that I'm not ready to know." I joked. 

He burst into laughter. 

I really enjoyed the sound of his laughter, secretly.

"You're not into MILF fetishes, are you?" I continued. He just laughs and shakes his head gesturing 'no'.

"Woh... Now, you really brightens up my day. These pile are for my Nana. These over here, those are mine." He was smiling as he was telling me which laundry are who's. I caught a Calvin Klein underwear. So hot!

"Ohh, now that explains a lot. Allow me to apologize with my offensive behavior. I usually think of something witty to talk about. Hope you don't get offended by my crudeness." I sincerely apologized.

"Hey, please don't feel bad. Well, at least you've made me laugh rather than some girls hitting on me during food packing." He smirked. 

Wait, what's that again. He doesn't like girls hitting on him?

"Who's your Nana? If you don't mind me asking." I asked.

"Her name is Nancy Myers. Have you heard of her?"

"Mrs Myer? She's my laundry buddy in this building. Wednesdays and Fridays. What happened to her? It's been quite sometime since I last saw her." I switched and sounded concern all of a sudden.

"She's fallen ill, and she needed a helping hand, so I came by to help her out. I'm just staying a few blocks down. I was recently transferred here for work about 3 months ago." He was explaining. "Oh, I'm Nathan by the way."

"Hey, I'm Kyle. Is she getting better? Can I see her?" Still asking about Mrs Myers.

"Sure! I think she'll enjoys some company. She would definitely love that. Nana has been improving but she's getting a little pampered with me now. Haha!!!" He seems to joke about his complains which was a delight.

"I can see why." Too quick stupid!

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"Sorry, I was saying "Now I know why." I brushed it off and I hope he didn't catch that.

"Haha" Nathan eyed me with a paused. "Do you have time for coffee after meeting up with my Nana? As a way of saying thank you for helping me with laundry." He asked.

"Of course!" I agreed so fast because I enjoy the short conversations with him. Sincerely, I think I would want to get to know him better.

************************ 7 months later ***************************

"Kyle baby, laundry now, coffee later?" My darling Nathan just asked.

"Nana first, then only coffee later. Remember?" I reminded him.

"No wonder she loves you more than me. What a kiss ass." He teased and hugged me.

"I love you more. That's why we both kissed each other's asses." I explained with a giggle.

"Shut up!" He nudges me. "I still can't comprehend Nana's acceptance of our relationship. She still puzzles me until today." He said and stole a small kiss from me.

"Haha... Why don't we ask her later?" I proposed.

Nathan's eyes got wider and gave me a longer kiss and said, "Kyle, I know you think I'm hot and you have never admitted it, and you have never tell it to my face before."

"What makes you said so?" He was right but how?

"I can see why" he uttered with a wink.

We burst into laughter and cuddled each other an hour more before we headed to our laundry. Now, the smell of laundry detergents reminds me of how much I love my Nathan.

I think too much

In the midst of the night, I can hardly sleep. My last conversation with him was that I can't see him anymore. The words we exchanged have been too harsh. We could stop arguing with each other ever since that day in the event.

I know it hurts him as much as he hurts me. We couldn't be in the same room together. There were a few times I hit him with my bare hands, just so to let my frustration go. He didn't even barge and stood there by allowing me to do so.

He attempted to hug me after every argument but I refused. I couldn't face him; I couldn't even look at him. He's way too foreign to me. We're together for 3 years, 2 major arguments so far, and 1 event which made me thinks of him otherwise.

He wanted to come by and talk some more. I rejected the suggestion but he insists. He came and said,

"For what its worth, I am truly sorry you have to go through this yourself. Let me be a part of this."

I looked at him. He stares back with an apologetic look. I sighed and looked away.

"I know you're disgusted now but it was years ago. I didn't hide it from you, it just didn't come across my mind that this is a thing that ticks you off." He continues to explain.

"Look at me, please." He said as he gestures his hand on my left arm.

I was tearing and I looked at him. He was surprised.

"You mean much more to me than anything. You know you do. We both know that we love each other and so many things come our way and we managed to fight off together because of that simple act of trust, love." He speaks more this time.

"You must know, you are so important to me now. One turn of event, you'd lose hope towards me. You've lost your confidence on yourself either. I don't want it to happen like this. Remember, those nights we exchange words of love and encouragement? Those are not empty talks. It meant something for both of us. It carries weight. Our love." He was being sensible.

"You've made me whole, you know that. It is all because of you." He grabs my arm now.

I couldn't stop crying. I just couldn't. I closed my eyes and the words keep on coming back to me. "Newsflash for you newbie, he will always be mine. And you! You are just something he chooses because he can't get me anymore. You're just THAT rebound guy. My replacement! You hear me? My replacement!"

"Why would you allow it to happen?" I asked him as I was holding up my tear jerk, trying very hard to speak in proper sentences. "You were supposed to protect me from him. How could you allow that to happen? I am in shocked to hear those words being uttered by him and I couldn't stop picturing both of you together."

He was wiping away my tears. He was tearing up too. Mouthing “I'm so sorry."

"You were supposed to shield me from him. You were nowhere to be found. You didn't come to my rescue. I couldn't stop thinking what he'd said to me." I cried again after I speak.

"I know. I know. But we just didn't do anything unimaginable. It was a gig night and he pulled me aside for a short kiss just to show others he knows me." He speaks calmly. "You know the drill of who's being who's friend in the circle just to get themselves up there. My guess would be, he knows you were there and he doesn't want to lose face just because we are a couple.

I couldn't stop crying. That jerk who spoke to me that night destroyed my idealism of love. He made it so artificial. He made love so superficial. That monster is an abomination to do such a thing towards the sanctity of love that I once thought was pure. That evil he has inside just reminded me how much he has ruin my trust towards the community.

He tries to hug me. I didn't push him away this time. Why would someone made up stories about him this way? Why?

Just few nights ago, a friend of mine texted me about that guy who hurt us both, telling me he was actually trying to get back into the film industry through my boyfriend. I didn't tell him at all because I felt bad for him for things I've said to him. My anger was outraged.

He was wiping away my tears and started kissing me on my lips. "It will always be you. Forever you. I will not let him destroy what we have so far. We are too damn good." He assured me with much love.

"I'm so sorry about the things I said to you." I apologize

He kisses me even more. I returned the kiss.

"Does this mean we're okay?" He asked.

I jumped on him and hugged him like a bear. He bursts into laughter. And we both laugh at our silliness.

"Yes! We are okay, my famous boyfriend." I said.

"Stop that, you know the fame thing is never real." He reprimanded with a tender tone.

"I know I know. You've said that like a million times more. You're an old man to me now." I joked.

He grins at me and take me hand and kiss it and said, "You are mine forever."

I will never want to doubt him and never want to let him go ever again. He's mine. Forever mine. My famous little boyfriend.

Now

I was woken up by the sound of our room door opening at 3:24 am in the morning, the room was cold, and it was dark. The sound of him coming back reminds me of what he told me this afternoon that he will be late. What I didn't expect was, he was never this late.

He was trying to be as quiet as possible so that I would not be disturbed by the noise he's been making. And the room was pitch black but I could even picture each and every move he made in my mind. I just couldn't stop myself from thinking negatively as to why it has to be this late? I refrained myself. I just refuse to think of him that way. I just couldn't help myself from thinking.

He inches his way into the bathroom and started showering. The sound of the rushing water hitting his body made it worse. For me at least. Was it just a daily shower? Or was there someone else? Should I know? Will he tell?

He came out drying off and immediately slip under the silky blanket that we shared. He lays there and stop. That made me stop breathing too.

Slowly, he came over to hug me. And whisper towards my ears,

"I'm sorry." He moved in closer. "And I'd really miss you at work today." He took a sniff from my neck.

I moved a little. I could feel every part of him behind me with so much warmth.

"I know you must be worried sick when I'm home this late." He continued "Also, I guess I couldn't play with my hunny bunny anymore, just for tonight?"

I giggled. That idiot.

"Wait, did I just hear giggling? Come over!" He exclaimed with a hard yet loving tone.

I turned to face him. He was already smelling so fresh and good under the sheet hugging me. My head just went into arms and started putting my arms around him. He started laughing...

"I promised I will not be this late again. I know you. Your mind is never kind to me. You must be thinking that I'm cheating outside. Am I right?"

His nipple was inches away and I bit it!

"Ouch!!! Okok... I will stop teasing you now." He was rubbing it, "It is painful you know." He continues to hug me and said "You've made your point pretty clear about your worrying for me. And... I'm glad to have you worry for me. Well, next time, when you're in doubt, at least a text from you saying you're worried, and I'll tell you where I am with a video call. Deal?"

I've continued hugging him through out the night and felt at ease with his assurance. He always sounded so assuring to me that everything is going to be okay. Will it? I don't know. I will never know. But what I know now is, he is with me now. I am with him now.

And that's what matter most. Now.

Naughty

It was a bright sunny afternoon. The weather was perfect for a beach outing. He suggested that we go out to the beach, and get some tan on our skin to have a little glow which he likes it very much.

The beach is where we first discover our existence in that town area and our identity as a true gay man. We were oddly strangers at the wrong place and in the wrong time. He hated my beach wear and I hated his nature of showing off his so-called "great" body among the public.

I didn't hesitate and I always do enjoy beach outing with him. And as I was packing for both of us, he called out for me from the kitchen and asked,

"Honey, do you think we should pack some sandwiches for some light snack? Just in case we might get hungry? After soaking ourselves a few rounds."

"That's a great idea, and maybe you could bring along some of the juice that I've prepared last night too. They are in the refrigerator." I replied.

"Alright, honey! Ooo... Watermelon juice! I never thought we are in season for one of those." He was thrilled because it’s one his favorites.

The reason I knew vividly that it was his favorite is because he was downing it 3 to 4 glasses of those at the beach bar during our first date. It was more of a by-the-way we're on our first date kind of thing. And I agreed to his weird suggestion of a first date, stupidly enough, so that I could make him like me instead of me being a drama queen. Not on our "first date", hell no.

I didn't know he was equally as nervous as I was back then. And he orders that watermelon juice like it was on the house. I asked him why, he said he thought he could trick me that it was "Bloody Mary". I burst into a hysterical laughter telling him that the smell of of watermelon is THAT uncanny. He frowned.

Admittedly, he began telling me how much his love for watermelon. And I couldn't help myself from laughing again. And that's where he first punches me in the arm. He finally said the date was a test run. He was adorable because he did officiate our first date having steak.

So, as I was packing. And I'd rather changed into my swim wear before we headed there. Just as I was changing, he came in,

"My my... would you just look at that?" He was leaning on a wall, staring towards me and uttered those inappropriate words. He always trying to sound someone he's not just to amuse me.

"Cut it out, is not as if you've never seen me like this before." I replied as I was finishing up.

"Nah uh, not from my angle. Haha! Honey, why are you in a hurry to change?" He asked with a hint of curiosity.

"I want to be there and all ready to relax. At least, the changing thing is already out of my mind." I explained.

He came over and hugged me and said, "You are still too tensed. Learn to relax a little bit more. It is such a beautiful day!" I smiled and hugged him in return.

Our first hug was when I spilled curry on my shirt, and he gave me the lamest excuse by hugging me, so that I would not feel embarrassed by the spilled I had on my shirt.

On that same day, (at his place -- he offered) I had to take my shirt off just to put it into his washer so that we could spend more time together. He said, my pants got some of thr curry too, might as well put it in.

I was on commando and I asked for a towel so that I could be decent. He was kind enough to provide me one. Just as I stripped, he walks in and stares for the longest time. He smiled and I was not ready, so I said condescendingly, "Do you mind?"

"Not at all, I mean, I'm sorry the door's lock is not working. I came in to tell you that." He hurriedly walks out and I could hear him giggled. That bastard.

At the beach, we were having the time of our lives. They weren't many people because this spot that we found 5 years ago was our favorite because of the convenience of shades when we needed one. We both took turns to soak into the seawater when we needed some cooling off from the sun.

We were both reading the same book in accordance with what the book club has chosen for us. We joined them about 3 months ago and they were a fun bunch. Their book selections are more to our likings and we agreed upon a monthly discussion on what we've read. Moreover, food and booze were included while the discussion was going on. What’s not to like?

Our love for books was a funny story. We were trying to hide from each other that we both are into books. Well we are geeks in our own special ways, of course. We hid from each other until we asked for a time out from each other just to finish our book for the week or month.

The request for time out was so frequent that there was a point we thought we were having an affair with someone else. Until our books surfaced and we both connected to each other even more so than ever. This untrusting behavior wasted us a few good 4 to 5 months on our love for books in all sorts’ genres. And because of this, we were definitely advancing our relationship to a more trustworthy level.

"So, shall we?" He asked cynically.

"But we're only here for 2 hours. That's not even outing to begin with." I protested.

"No! We're not leaving. Shall we do the naughty naughty here?" He winks at me two times more when he asked for such an inappropriate act or behavior in the public.

"Here? No!" I objected the idea.

"Awww... come on. It is just a simple mouth to banana action. Or maybe more, we wouldn't know. I promised. A quick one. Besides, there weren't anyone passes our way for the past 2 hours. Please please please please... pweeese" He persuaded.

"It is the beach, isn't it? Has the smell of salt made you all weld up with your dry hormones? There is nothing but sex in your head. You're a buffoon you know that?" I analyzed him.

He was nudging me on my shoulder as we were lying next to each other.

"So, are we doing it?" he asked eagerly. "Come on, you want it as much as I do. Don't deny it, you little hypocrite!"

I giggled. I couldn't stand his look when he's begging for it. So, we quickly rushed into a secret hideout (the bush behind us) and had our way with each other for good time for ourselves. A real funtastic good time.

Our first inappropriate started out at my place just a few months ago. By our true nature, we are really not actually ready for sex. So, we found the stupidest excuse ever by getting ourselves tipsy after two bottles of wine.

We were on a couch and started kissing each other. Wait, we started out with touching and then the night was turned into Animal Kingdom on paid TV. We took turns until our nuts went sore and we just lay there and said, "It was the best night ever."

We giggled and laughed and turned on some TV shows, and started mouth action in each other until we agreed to stop before we busted our nuts just for sex. It was like that ever since 7 months ago.

We arrived home after we were happy with our tan. On our bed, he looked at me and said,

"We were amazing at the beach, isn't it?"

"Don't state the obvious. You and I very well know we were always doing it like animals back when we wanted to be naughty." I was trying very hard not to rekindle what we had just now because I might get excited easily again and he will always know.

He hugged me and giggled. "You and I have been enjoying it and you aren't admitting it now! We're going to do it again tonight and you're gonna admit to me that you are loving it! When it was your turn, I agreed intermittently to your face! So, I want to hear from you admitting to what we have is AMAZING!"

"God, no! We're both very sore already! I'm really tired... can you just please, let me go this time?" I was actually laughing while I was saying it.

He threw off our blanket and strips me off and got his way with me like it was the first time. He wanted to turn off the light; I yelled "No!" He eyed me with even a naughtier look and he strips within seconds and jumps onto the bed and had our way with each other!

My admittance wasn't the issue any longer, because we enjoy each other's expression as the session goes. He knew as far as I know how we feel for each other.

Truly, our "naughty" will always be the most amazing time together.

Labels

I am often labeled as the anti-social. The one who doesn't initiate any conversations regardless of gender. I was told to be visible but I never knew how. And the idea of someone staring at me, its zero to none. Maybe because I never look up and I will never know who's looking.

It has been 18 years since I've been living in a closet. No one knows about this hideous identity of mine. I always enjoy witnessing a well groomed, good looking man from afar. But today, I do not like how judgmental the idealism of beauty and perfection has been set upon. It is so messed up within the LGBT community and of course, the porn industry.

And that quote "Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder" has weight a heavier negative connotation today instead of what true beauty should lies within a person is concern.

It was my regular lunch hour on a normal work day. My usual routine of getting my food before sitting in a far corner of a canteen or a food arcade. Doing my own things, minding my own business and sometimes soak in the rushing sound of gossips and complains from the tongues of both the blue and white collars.

The sudden smell of Brut came by and I stole a glance. The guy I've been admiring since day one and aspire to be due to his grooming habits. Everyone calls him "Mr Computer" because he's the friendliest among all computer guys within the organisation.

"Hey!" He was talking towards my direction with the brightest smile.

My sudden gush, awkwardness, heart palpitations, identity crisis, my struggle between whether to answer him was all too much for me to take in. So, I've decided to nod towards his direction and smile. Phew, what a relieved. I've managed to pull that off.

"You are always alone, aren't you?" His questions starts.

Again, the adrenaline rush is not forgiving to my speech ability. I can't even speak. So, I nodded again. Wait, he knows my existence of being alone? Is my social awkwardness became a faux pas? Am I being labeled again?

"Ha! You're odd. You don't talk? The name's Elliot. What's yours? I hope I can get you to speak by now." He was all charming about it. Friendly too, even though I'm weird.

Just say your name, just say your name. God, why is it so difficult?

"Russ... ?" I was really trying my best to continue my next sentence.

"I'm sorry, come again? Is Russ is your name?" He was chewing his salad as he double confirms it with me.

"Russell. My name's Russel." There. I've said it. I've finally said it. This is worst than seating for an exam!

"Now, that wasn't so hard, Russel" Still chewing while he was finishing his salad. 

"Well, I have to say, it is interesting spending this weird little time with you. Better than the norm I used to hang out with. Is it alright if I join you for lunch tomorrow? Same time same place?" He asked as he was motioning himself to my side of the table.

I nodded with a smile. Again. Why? Why me? I enjoy my space. I wanted to say no. But he seems interesting to me too. He's polite. He's tactful. He makes me really comfortable for being myself.

"Ha! I like you this way. Makes it all the more interesting to know you. See you tomorrow then, Russell." He taps me on the shoulder as a mere confirmation and walks away with a smile. That smile. He is so friendly.

************************************

He taps on my shoulder and ask, "Russ darling, are you ready?"

I nodded.

He leans on me and gave me a kiss on the lips and said. "That nod reminds me of how much you've made me fall in love with you."

I giggled with a reply, "You've made me so comfortable for being myself when I'm around you. You, Elliot, it's always you."

He hugged me and said, "We better hurry by getting into the departure waiting area. Can't wait to spend this new chapter of our lives together."

We were both taking our luggage with our flight documents as we proceed to our aircraft that printed "HAWAIIAN". It is our honeymoon trip that we've been looking forward to since we got together. We've talked about it for years and now, let both the "explorations" begins!

We hold each other's arms as we walked into the aircraft.

His smiles at me. 

I nodded. With a smile!