I think too much

In the midst of the night, I can hardly sleep. My last conversation with him was that I can't see him anymore. The words we exchanged have been too harsh. We could stop arguing with each other ever since that day in the event.

I know it hurts him as much as he hurts me. We couldn't be in the same room together. There were a few times I hit him with my bare hands, just so to let my frustration go. He didn't even barge and stood there by allowing me to do so.

He attempted to hug me after every argument but I refused. I couldn't face him; I couldn't even look at him. He's way too foreign to me. We're together for 3 years, 2 major arguments so far, and 1 event which made me thinks of him otherwise.

He wanted to come by and talk some more. I rejected the suggestion but he insists. He came and said,

"For what its worth, I am truly sorry you have to go through this yourself. Let me be a part of this."

I looked at him. He stares back with an apologetic look. I sighed and looked away.

"I know you're disgusted now but it was years ago. I didn't hide it from you, it just didn't come across my mind that this is a thing that ticks you off." He continues to explain.

"Look at me, please." He said as he gestures his hand on my left arm.

I was tearing and I looked at him. He was surprised.

"You mean much more to me than anything. You know you do. We both know that we love each other and so many things come our way and we managed to fight off together because of that simple act of trust, love." He speaks more this time.

"You must know, you are so important to me now. One turn of event, you'd lose hope towards me. You've lost your confidence on yourself either. I don't want it to happen like this. Remember, those nights we exchange words of love and encouragement? Those are not empty talks. It meant something for both of us. It carries weight. Our love." He was being sensible.

"You've made me whole, you know that. It is all because of you." He grabs my arm now.

I couldn't stop crying. I just couldn't. I closed my eyes and the words keep on coming back to me. "Newsflash for you newbie, he will always be mine. And you! You are just something he chooses because he can't get me anymore. You're just THAT rebound guy. My replacement! You hear me? My replacement!"

"Why would you allow it to happen?" I asked him as I was holding up my tear jerk, trying very hard to speak in proper sentences. "You were supposed to protect me from him. How could you allow that to happen? I am in shocked to hear those words being uttered by him and I couldn't stop picturing both of you together."

He was wiping away my tears. He was tearing up too. Mouthing “I'm so sorry."

"You were supposed to shield me from him. You were nowhere to be found. You didn't come to my rescue. I couldn't stop thinking what he'd said to me." I cried again after I speak.

"I know. I know. But we just didn't do anything unimaginable. It was a gig night and he pulled me aside for a short kiss just to show others he knows me." He speaks calmly. "You know the drill of who's being who's friend in the circle just to get themselves up there. My guess would be, he knows you were there and he doesn't want to lose face just because we are a couple.

I couldn't stop crying. That jerk who spoke to me that night destroyed my idealism of love. He made it so artificial. He made love so superficial. That monster is an abomination to do such a thing towards the sanctity of love that I once thought was pure. That evil he has inside just reminded me how much he has ruin my trust towards the community.

He tries to hug me. I didn't push him away this time. Why would someone made up stories about him this way? Why?

Just few nights ago, a friend of mine texted me about that guy who hurt us both, telling me he was actually trying to get back into the film industry through my boyfriend. I didn't tell him at all because I felt bad for him for things I've said to him. My anger was outraged.

He was wiping away my tears and started kissing me on my lips. "It will always be you. Forever you. I will not let him destroy what we have so far. We are too damn good." He assured me with much love.

"I'm so sorry about the things I said to you." I apologize

He kisses me even more. I returned the kiss.

"Does this mean we're okay?" He asked.

I jumped on him and hugged him like a bear. He bursts into laughter. And we both laugh at our silliness.

"Yes! We are okay, my famous boyfriend." I said.

"Stop that, you know the fame thing is never real." He reprimanded with a tender tone.

"I know I know. You've said that like a million times more. You're an old man to me now." I joked.

He grins at me and take me hand and kiss it and said, "You are mine forever."

I will never want to doubt him and never want to let him go ever again. He's mine. Forever mine. My famous little boyfriend.