That's It!

"Get out!" I shouted

"No! We're talking this through, damn it Luke, don't shut me out every time when you're upset." His tone equally as loud as me.

"James, I've told you so many times, I never wanted this to be out in the open, OUR RELATIONSHIP, to be known. Why did you tell them?" My voice still loud.

"Them? It was already obvious to them, and there's nothing to hide. Have you seen their eyes? How they've been looking at us? Seriously, they are already playing bets on us, for crying out loud!" He said

"I've told you, I wasn't ready. You just do not listen. You never listen! You think you are always the right one. Stubborn even! I can't even stand the sight of you right now. Well, you know what... I'm leaving right now since you're not!" I was heading straight to the door.

He was standing right in front of the door and exhale,

"No! I won't allow it. I know you. You will never come back. You will ignore me for days. And I hate it. I want to talk and I want you to hear me out. Just stay, please."

I smiled with sarcastic exhale while looking up at him,

"Alright, you want to talk? What it is that you want to talk? Huh? Was it exhilarating? Was it fun for you?" I asked.

That awkwardness creeps right in when he was trying to form words. And so he said,

"Luke, it's not like that."

"Then what is it James? I do not understand. What is it that you find the kick in doing it? This is not the first time. And I'm always the victim."

"Luke, I wanted you to be..."

"Happy? Is that it? I've told you, IN MY TIME. And you never listen!"

"Alright, Luke listen, just hear me out alright. Allow me to apologize to you. I'm sorry, I really am. I have forgotten. I was already out for years and I'm comfortable with my skin. I know what I've done is unforgivable, but I still want to make known to you how liberating it is when you do not have to hide anymore. I mean, come on... just be the person you want to be and not live in such bondage."

I was listening but I can't, my family, so I said, 

"James, you of all people knows me better than others. And the fact that you outed me without asking for my consent is violating my right to choose. And it is still my decision to make. What makes you think you have the right to do so?" I explained.

He looked down. I continued...

"And the fact that you are now upset just because I'm not ready. Or you said is for my own good, or some liberty shit.."

"No... that's not..." He wanted to interrupts but I refused.

"Let me finish. Is this what I think it is? I think I'm dragging this relationship down. And you can't share this frustration with me because, God Forbid, I'm the closest thing you ever love (so you say) and now, this." 

He just looked down and I knew I have thought this out during dinner the whole time and said some more...

"So, this is your version of love?" He shakes his head mouthing NO as I continued, "All I'm seeing is, you are doing this out of frustration. Out of anger. Out of rage." I walked over to him. "Look at me, and tell me the truth. Are you tired of me already?" I was tearing up.

He was facing me and answered,"No, Luke no. I always love you and you know that. We have the best times together and we both wanted more. I admit I am selfish but I wanted what's best for you too." He was tearing up too.

I was so eager to hug him but I am still very disgusted by his actions. I needed time to be away from him.

"I need to be away from you." I finally said it.

"No..." He quickly replied.

"Hear me out, we both needed the space. And I think we need this break." As I'm wiping my tears. "I feel dirty around you right now. I feel like I'm just your thing you used to play with and now, I need to be away from you."

"Luke... what do you want me to do? I've already apologized. I can't undo what just happened. Can't we just work this out? Like we used to... I don't want you ignoring me. It's painful for me. I really do not want to let you go." He pleaded.

"James, the more I hear your voice, the more I'm hurt. The more I see you, I'm guilty of the freedom you once had before you know me. The more I am with you, you feel imprisoned by me. Just... Just let me go. Please... You know it's for the better." My tears just shedding down my collar.

He was sobbing and knelt down to my stomach.

"No... honey, Luke, I'm not going to let you go. Gawd... I'm going to missed you so much. I'm going to missed these arms, these hands, this heart." He was holding me so tight.

Tearing as I am, "Stop." And I pulled myself away from him. He grabbed me harder.

"I don't want it to end like this." He said.

"But how come it is?" I replied with tears. 

He stopped. I stopped.